Reflections: Conversations, Essays, and Other Writings

Eulogies

To mark the passing of some special people in my life. Eulogies Henry Harold Nordlinger October 25, 1893 – March 10, 1976 The last time my grandfather was fully aware of his surroundings was this past Sunday afternoon. He said that he was not in pain and that he felt fortunate to have been surrounded by a family that had loved him all his life.Monday he could respond with his eyes but nothing more.Tuesday night, with his wife Elise at his side, he died. I won’t attempt to build in death an image of my grandfather beyond that which he was in life. He didn’t envision such an undertaking when, several years ago,he asked that I speak on this occasion.And such a eulogy would be neither in keeping with his wishes nor proper. I would, however , like to share a few thoughts and memories of him. First, let it be remembered that my grandfather was a good man. He never sought to harm anyone. He was devoid of malice. Ill will and vengeance were foreign to his character. He was an honest man of extraordinary integrity. He was admirably open to new ideas and curious about them. Politically, his allegiance was to those who sought social justice. He evinced a wide range of intellectual interests from opera and astronomy to literature and Norse mythology. He was a brilliant man, skilled in his chosen profession of the law. His life was a long one, encompassing Shakespeare’s seven ages of man. He was a devoted son, husband, father, grandfather, in-law, and friend. He was capable of extraordinary love. I won’t pretend that my grandfather’s life was free from unhappiness. But to measure the totality of his life, I would ask that each of us look back to the tale of the departed soul who came to the River Styx and was met by the mythological boatman Charon who was to ferry him across the river to the underworld.As they mounted the ferry, Charon turned to REFLECTIONS 277 the man and offered him a chance to drink from the waters of forgetfulness .“Drink from these waters,”the boatman said,“and you will forget the entire life that you have left behind.” “Do you mean,” asked the traveller,“that if I drink from these waters, I will forget all my past sorrows?” “Yes,” answered the boatman,“but also your past joys.” “Do you mean,” the traveller asked again,“that if I drink from these waters, I will forget all my past failures?” “Yes,” the boatman replied,“but also your achievements and your success.” “Do you mean,” the traveller asked a third time,“that if I drink from these waters of forgetfulness, the memory of my enemies will fade?” “Yes,” replied the boatman,“but so too, the memory of your friends and loved ones.” My grandfather’s life was a long one. In any such life, there is joy and sadness, achievement and disappointment.There were many friends and loved ones. I am sure that, as he begins his journey across the River Styx this day, he chooses to remember us. And he can do so with pride, for he gave of himself as best he could. To his children, he gave both life and love.To his grandchildren and many others, he left a legacy of affection and warmth.With his wife of fifty-one years, he shared a union such that the two of them are inseparably entwined in our hearts, and it will be impossible for us to think at length on one without the other. It was for Elise and a few special others that a few weeks before he died, perhaps reflecting on the more difficult periods of his life, he asked that I speak the following words on this occasion: When in disgrace with fortune and men’s eyes, I all alone beweep my outcast state, And trouble deaf heaven with my bootless cries, And look upon myself and curse my fate; Wishing me like to one more rich in hope, Featured like him, like him with friends possessed, Desiring this man’s art, and that man’s scope, With what I most enjoy contented least; Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising, 278 THOMAS HAUSER Haply I think on thee, and then my state, Like to the lark at break of day arising From sullen earth...