Counted Out: Same-Sex Relations and Americans' Definitions of Family

7. Family Names Count: Martial Name Change and Definitions of Family

170 Chapter 7 Family Names Count: Marital Name Change and Definitions of Family with Laura Hamilton I n the last chapter, we explored how gendered views of the ideal parent in single-parent living arrangements are related to the boundaries that Americans draw in defining family.1 Respondents who had the most gendered approach to parenting had the most restrictive view of who counts as a family. From this perspective, a samesex arrangement—boys with fathers and girls with mothers—is ideal because fathers and mothers have fundamentally different parenting capabilities that are best suited to meet the gendered needs of sons and daughters, respectively. Those with a more moderately gendered view—they see mothers as the ideal parent regardless of the child’s gender—were more inclusive of different family types than those who prefer same-sex custodial arrangements. Finally, although a mixed group, respondents with the least gendered perspective—those who advocate for the best or least unfit parent, regardless of parental or child gender—were most likely to endorse the most expansive definition of family. These results indicate that beliefs about gender and the identity of both parents and children are inextricably linked to people’s views of family. In this chapter, we look at a different aspect of family identity—family names. Specifically, we explore respondents’ views regarding women ’s and men’s last-name change upon marriage and, as in the last two chapters, highlight social cleavages in terms of these beliefs. Most importantly , we examine the extent to which views regarding this practice map onto the boundaries that Americans draw between families and Family Names Count    171 nonfamilies. In the 2006 interviews, respondents were asked a series of questions on marital name change—including whether it is generally better for women to change their names, whether women should be legally required to so, and whether it is okay for men to change their names. Respondents were also asked to explain why they held certain beliefs about name change. Their responses reveal the cultural frameworks that people use to make sense of marital name change. At first glance, it may seem surprising to find a chapter on marital name change in a book examining Americans’ attitudes toward samesex relations and family life. However, as we have illustrated and others have argued, heteronormativity is displayed and enacted through more than just attitudes toward homosexuality. In fact, the belief that men and women are polar opposites with complementary and natural family roles is critical to the boundaries that Americans draw when defining who counts as a family. Marital name change is a traditionally gendered practice that reflects this notion of family life. Thus, the topic of marital name change offers an ideal opportunity to investigate respondents ’ understandings of gender in family life and an important avenue into the central goals of this book. Marital name change is often taken for granted in the United States, where most families share a common family name—generally the husband ’s last name. The very familiarity of this naming practice and its long-standing roots in this country make it an ideal topic for research on gender attitudes. People generally see names as no more than labels, uncomplicated by issues of social rights and equality. Yet names reflect the categories, like gender, that we use to classify and understand our social world. We argue that these orientations to gender speak to understandings of family identity—what family means, how it should be created, and the differing roles of men and women in creating family. Most importantly, attitudes toward name change also may speak to Americans’ willingness to move beyond a definition of family that places a diametric masculine-feminine or even man-woman pairing at its center. Consequently, we return to the central concern of this book— whether same-sex families are counted in Americans’ definitions of family—and consider the extent to which broadness (or narrowness) in these definitions is related to Americans’ views about the traditional gendered practice of marital name change. Gendered Language and Marital Name Change Marital name change represents only one example of gendered language —although it is perhaps one of the most ubiquitous and persis- 172    Counted Out tent examples in American history. Here we provide an overview of gendered language, describing what it is and how it affects our lives. We then describe the history of women’s name change in the...