The Quest for Cortisone

Chapter 4. Introducing Dr. Hench

35 Chapter 4 introducing Dr. hench I have a curious constitution. I never remember feeling tired by work, though idleness exhausts me completely. —sherLoCK hoLMes, THE SIGN OF FOUR There are a million jokes that begin with “A man walks into a . . .” We generally assume they are fictitious: the possibility that such an event actually took place sometime or somewhere seems ludicrous, and yet the following story, which has been repeated for decades in various forms as a joke, appears to have actually occurred. reliable witnesses and independent sources swear this happened—more or less exactly as described.1 even if it is not true, it should be. “A man walks into an elevator . . .” in this case, he’s a big, powerfullooking man. The elevator is located in the newly constructed Mayo Clinic main building (later called the Plummer Building); it is a blustery, cold day in the early 1930s. Two men are already on the elevator when he steps in. The first, Joe fritsch, nicknamed “Joe Clinic,” is the genial doorman of the clinic. normally stationed in the lobby, where he greets and directs incoming patients, Joe is ascending the elevator to run an errand for a pregnant woman. The second man stands quietly next to him. he is Dr. Philip hench, assistant professor of medicine and head of the newly formed Department of rheumatology. As he enters the elevator, the big man looks over at Dr. hench. “Wer . . . wer . . . where’s the library,” he stammers. hench stares back at him and says nothing. 36| Chapter 4 The hulking visitor speaks again. “Wer . . . wer . . . where’s the damn li . . . li . . . library?” hench remains silent, a completely blank expression plastered over his face. The elevator stops to let someone else on, and the big man steps off in obvious frustration. “id . . . id . . . idiot,” he mutters angrily at hench as the doors close. As the elevator begins rising again, Joe Clinic looks over at Dr. hench. “You know the library’s on the 12th floor,” says Joe. “Why didn’t you tell him?” hench answered without hesitating. “Doooo . . . doooo . . . do you think i wanted ma . . . ma . . . my block knocked off?” Dr. Philip hench was “tall and extremely good looking . . . [but he had] a cleft palate [without the associated cleft lip deformity that normally tips a listener off as to its presence]; his speech was somewhat affected, but he worked hard on his elocution and could generally be understood quite well.”2 The elevator story suggests that hench had a stutter; this is not quite true. The defect in his palate gave his voice a congested, nasal tone and made it difficult for him to form certain sounds. he would often stammer as he tried again and again to get a particular word out correctly. An early surgical attempt to correct his anomaly was clearly not curative; years later his son recalled that “he apparently did have some sort of surgery [to repair the palate defect]—perhaps even some of the earliest such surgery. he must have been quite young, and the story we heard was that he took the train by himself to have it done.”3 According to Mayo Clinic legend, hench’s mother insisted he “ignore this handicap,” and that he could “achieve anything ” if he did.4 Those closest to him, including his partners at the clinic, readily conceded that ignoring his speech impediment was something that “he did brilliantly.”5 Put less politely, despite his speech impediment, he was a prolific talker. Put even less politely, at times hench could be a nonstop chatterbox.6 it’s unlikely that hench’s safety was ever in real danger during the elevator escapade—hench was a large man, six feet four and 220 pounds. he looked intimidating. But looks can be deceiving. After lettering in soccer at college, Philip hench never again demonstrated any aptitude or interest in exercise.7 he was a man with the athletic prowess of a 1961 renault. This quirk was well known around the clinic; for example, when hench retired, his going away party included a “spoof” motion picture in which his son Kahler played the role of his father. The film depicted Dr. hench exiting one of the Mayo buildings, climbing into his car and driving backward approximately thirty yards to another building, parking the car, getting out, Introducing Dr. Hench| 37 and continuing on his way.8 Physically underachieving but...