The Constellations

Roy sat staring ahead

roy saT sTaring aHEad for he did not know how long. Slowly the sounds of the world returned. An airplane passing over. Crickets chirping from the dark under the porch. At some point Cammy stormed in and asked if the fighting was over.Instead of answering, Roy sent her off to watch TV, which was her reason for asking, anyway. Looking down, he noticed ashes clumped on his jeans. He rubbed them into the fabric with his thumb. Outside sweeping white clouds reached up over the western horizon like two immense hands. Eric stopped bouncing a ball against the garage. Roy noticed Eric glancing at him over his shoulder. In one panicked moment, Roy spotted Grub asleep in her car seat. Eric had opened the windows and, following a piece of advice from Cowell, spread a blanket across the windshield to block the sun. “Why is your sister sleeping in the car in this heat?”Roy asked. “Aunt Deb was screaming,” Eric said. The ball hit the ground, bounced against the garage door, and popped into the air before coming down into his glove—thump, bang, smack. But when at rest his shoulders slumped. Roy thought that if a kid could look like an old man, Eric did. “That’s Aunt Deb,” Roy replied. “What about?” “Telling me my faults,” Roy said. Thump, bang, smack. “Do I have to go to Harper?” Eric said. “That’s still up in the air.” “It’s not fair I can’t choose.” “Yeah,”Roy said.“If you’re lucky we’ll let you pick who you marry.” Thump, bang, smack. “I heard you say Mom’s name when you were arguing,”Eric said. 160 The Constellations “It mostly concerned your mother.” “Would she really want me to go?” “Hard to say, son.” “At light speed I could ask her,” Eric said. “We’d all have a few questions. I better go get Grub.” Roy reached into the car and scooped up Grub. He was on the way back to the house when Eric said, “Wait.” Roy did, but Eric had trouble saying whatever came next. “What?” Roy finally asked. “I don’t want you to get mad,” Eric said. During the last part of the exchange Eric came closer. But he stopped out of arm’s reach. Roy thought the child had shrunk even more; it looked as if his bones and nothing else held up his clothes.Though his chin was down Roy could see the blood in his face. Pity filled Roy, and in an instant he wondered why, and then realized he saw himself in Eric, maybe for the first time. “I won’t,” Roy answered. It was a struggle, but Eric said,“I heard you talking to the policeman .” He studied Roy for a reaction. There was none. “I didn’t mean to,” Eric added in a frantic whisper. “Okay.” “You said it was about tools. That’s what you said.” The reproach in his expression quelled whatever anger Roy might have allowed around his promise. Eric had first looked at him that way at six months. Roy remembered the day. It was the first time he’d seen his child bleed. He had gotten too close to the skin while trimming Eric’s thumbnail. Nothing serious. Eric had cried, though not for long, and he had looked exactly as he did now. “I know I did, son,” he replied. “Did you steal them?” Eric said. “No, I didn’t.” “But I heard.” “Carl, the guy I worked with, took the coins. He asked me to hold on to them. I didn’t know they were stolen. When I found out I made him take them back.” Eric breathed hard, wiped his Kevin Cunningham 161 eyes.“When he got in the wreck, that was the end of it. I can’t really tell you any more.” “Why?” Eric asked. “I just can’t.” Eric glanced back at the house, lowered his voice again. “Did you tell the police? When you were outside?” It took all Roy’s control to not answer right away. He wanted to say no. He was tired of lying. But no led to why not, and to what happens if they find out, to him asking Eric once more to never tell, and to truthfully answering his son’s inevitable question about what would happen if he did. Roy did not need to...