Wisteria: Swamp Country

Courting

20 Courting at fifteen and bold-eyed, i was a married woman. My man came along like any casual day comes along, did a simple transaction; too trustworthy to call it love. and Mama said, “it’s time, you still got your looks, you got a body, too, you got no future but cooking for white folks; you meet a man wants to make a family let him have you the right way of course” at fifteen, never dreamed romance would come, and i was right. Never dreamed of dates, movies, fancy restaurants, and i was right. Didn’t miss much cause you only miss what you dreamed too much. 21 at sixteen, didn’t know the rhythm of my body; nobody told me what it was that bad feeling that would take me early before light like grease from fat-back sitting heavy on your chest; but i could tell it was something not to talk too much about; like the way my husband took me all those nights, talking soft, touching soft, telling me to hush. so i said it was a headache when the doctor comes round, and the poor man so ashamed that nice bright handsome boy, he gave me something for the headache, and whisper the news to my man, who told me when the doctor was gone. and how i cried the day, not for the love of a child in me, not for the joy of the woman in me, but for the shame of my foolish self country girl, real country girl. ...