Twain in His Own Time: A Biographical Chronicle of His Life, Drawn from Recollections, Interviews, and Memoirs by Family, Friends, and Associates

From Autobiography (1935)

[207] === From Autobiography (1935) John Hay Hammond John Hay Hammond (1855–1936), mining engineer, collaborator with Cecil Rhodes in gold and diamond mining in South Africa, and the husband of Natalie Harris Hammond, was one of the Jameson raiders whom Twain visited in the Pretoria prison. “the star of the stars and stripes,” as the Johannesburg Times called Mark Twain, was on a round-the-world lecture tour, and took advantage of an engagement in nearby Johannesburg to pay a social call on the American prisoners. I had great hopes for the effects of this afternoon on our spirits as I was familiar with Mark Twain’s genial personality and witty conversation . While I was a student at Yale, I met him a number of times at Hartford , Connecticut, where I often went to spend weekends with General Franklin, president of the Colt Arms Company.1 In the glare of the South African sun which beat into the courtyard, Samuel Clemens, with his white hair and spotless linen suit, was a refreshing sight. I grasped his hand warmly in both of mine. “Mr. Clemens, I’m certainly glad to see you again. How did you ever find your way into this God-forsaken hole?” “Getting into jail is easy,” replied the humorist. “I thought the difficulties arose when it came to getting out.” I smiled appreciatively and introduced him to the rest of our company. He was particularly struck with the martial demeanor of Colonel Bettington ,2 who had been one of the Committee’s military commanders. “This is a pretty dull sort of place, Colonel. Killing time, eh?” “I suppose so,” replied Bettington. “I’m a soldier and must kill something.” “You’ve got all the big bugs here, haven’t you?” “Yes, two hundred million were in my cell last night.”3 The colonel rubbed his shoulders. “What! Two hundred million big bugs?” twain in his own time [208] “Good Lord, no! Two hundred million pounds in good hard English money.” “Where do you keep it?” The colonel pointed to Solly Joel,4 leaning against the wall. “There’s some of it standing over there. Barnato Brothers, you know.” “And what’s he doing in here? Hasn’t he enough money to buy himself out?” “So far he hasn’t had any success, but we still have hopes.” After an hour or so of amusing conversation, Mr. Clemens prepared to depart, refusing our invitation to wait until we were ready to leave. As he left the prison, a cub reporter accosted him. “Mr. Clemens, how did you find living conditions in the prison?” “Why do you ask?” “Some of the prisoners have complained to Krüger5 that the jail was no fit place for gentlemen. Although the president replied he was not aware that jails were intended for gentlemen, just the same we’d like to have your impressions.” “Has Mr. Hammond, or any of the other Americans, made any complaint?” “No,” admitted the youth; “the grievances were urged by their friends.” “Well,” said Mark Twain, “I am not surprised that Mr. Hammond has made no complaint. I knew him as a young engineer out in Nevada where he used to spend a good deal of his time in mining camp hotels, and compared with those accommodations Hammond is now living in luxury.”6 The reporter carefully noted this down on his pad and Mark Twain went on to say that he was really greatly pleased with the jail; he had found some very charming gentlemen there, and he thought it was an ideal rest cure for these tired businessmen. He only regretted his stay was so short that he could not take advantage of the peaceful conditions of the jail to rest his own tired nerves. He said he could not imagine a place where one would be less troubled by the importunities of his creditors and the only feature he did not like about the jail was that there were too many lawyers among the prisoners, and somehow or other he never could hit it off with lawyers. Next morning a very sharp criticism of the jail authorities appeared in this Boer paper, which was one of the Joubert7 papers hostile to Krüger. The article declared the jail was supposed to be a place for punishment and not a pleasant rest cure, and the paper called upon the government to take [209] drastic measures of a punitive nature. The prison authorities responded by diminishing our...