Twain in His Own Time: A Biographical Chronicle of His Life, Drawn from Recollections, Interviews, and Memoirs by Family, Friends, and Associates

From Autobiography (1904)

[87] === From Autobiography (1904) Moncure D. Conway After Twain returned to England in May 1873 to work on his travel book on England, he agreed to deliver his Sandwich Islands lecture in the Queen’s Concert Rooms on Hanover Square the week of 13–18 October. Conway remembered Twain’s first performance that week in his autobiography. his reputation was wide in England, but it appeared singular that instead of appearing, like Artemus Ward and other American entertainers, at Egyptian Hall or some popular place, he should select the most fashionable hall in London, and charge high prices for admission. The hall was crowded with fashionable people in evening dress, of whom few if any had ever seen Mark. He came on the platform in full dress with the air of a manager announcing a disappointment, and stammered out apologies. “Mr. Clemens had landed at Liverpool, and had fully hoped to reach London in time, but,” etc. The murmurs were deep and threatened to be loud, when Mark added that he was happy to say that Mark Twain was present and would now give his lecture. Loud applause and laughter greeted him, and he proceeded to mention several subjects he had thought of for his lecture. “But since my arrival I have found the English people so frantic in their interest in the—Sandwich Islands,”—the sentence was cut short by an explosion of laughter. “But before describing the Sandwich Islands,” he resumed,—and that was the last we heard of the islands. The lecture was brimful of amusing inventions of far-western life, given with admirable gravity and action. After telling about a wild game of poker he suddenly became unctuous and added,—“All that was long ago. I never gamble now” (sotto voce, “unless I can make something by it”). So, after a narrative about a duel, he said in an exalted tone: “But I never fight duels now. If a man insults me, do I challenge that man? Oh, no! (uplifting his eyes piously) I take that man by the hand, and with soft persuasive words lead him to a dimly lighted twain in his own time [88] apartment and—kill him!” The audience was in an ecstasy of delight and laughter from first to last. Moncure Conway, from Autobiography (Boston: Houghton Mifflin, 1904), 2:142–43. ...