Mark Twain Speaking

157. Billiards Exhibition

520 MARK TWAIN SPEAKING district. I don't like doctors on general principles, but those men out there have done some great work. Put the firemen and the soldiers in, too. Text / "California's Women Here are Going to Aid / Twain Presides at Meeting," Times, April 22, 1906. After life's fitful fever / A slight misquotation from Macbeth (3.2) of Macbeth's somber reflections on his murder ofthe King: "Duncan is in his grave; / After life's fitful fever he sleeps well! / Treason has done his worst; nor steel 'nor poison, / Malice domestic, foreign levy, nothing / Can touch him further." -157An international billiards tournament in New York attracted the world's best players: the French champion, Louis Cure, and American experts Ora Morningstar , Jacob Schaeffer, George F. Slosson, George Sutton, and William F. "Willie" Hoppe, the Boy Wonder. Mark Twain, a tireless billiards addict, was there with Henry Rogers on the opening night, April 9. Later, when the billiardists gave an exhibition oftrick shots andfancy cue workfor the benefit of San Francisco, he came again, and this time told a story. Story Billiards Exhibition Concert Hall, Madison Square Garden, New York, April 24, 1906 The game of billiards has destroyed my naturally sweet disposition. Once, when I was an underpaid reporter in Virginia City, whenever I wished to play billiards I went out to look for an easy mark. One day a stranger came to town and opened a billiard parlor. I looked him over casually. When he proposed a game, I answered, "All right." "Just knock the balls around a little so that I can get your gait," he said; and when I had done so, he remarked, "I will be perfectly fair MARK TWAIN SPEAKING 521 with you. I'll play you left-handed." I felt hurt, for he was cross-eyed, freckled, and had red hair, and I determined to teach him a lesson. He won first shot, ran out, took my half dollar, and all I got was the opportunity to chalk my cue. "If you can play like that with your left hand," I said, "I'd like to see you play with your right." "I can't," he said. "I'm left-handed." Text / "Billiards" inMTS(lO):269; andMTS(23):302. ...