Mark Twain Speaking

125. Missouri Society

MARK TWAIN SPEAKING· 125 · 401 At thefirst banquet ofthe Missouri Society ofNew York, speakers talked about Missouri, and about the Louisiana Purchase Exposition that was due to open in St. Louis in 1903. Augustus Thomas, chairman, facetiously remarked upon Missouri as a great producer ofzinc and mules. C. H. Spencer, vice-president of the Exposition, confidently stated that St. Louis would soon have $25,000,000 to promote the World's Fair. He also gave figures on Missouri production of zinc and lead. Mark Twain, an unannounced addition to the program, received a rousing welcome. Dinner Speech First Banquet, Missouri Society ofNew York, Hotel Waldorf-Astoria, May 28,1901 I have been as much impressed as has the chairman by Mr. Spencer's speech, and confused also. Statistics always have that effect. As they rise higher and higher to the sky, they become in the same proportion more and more inexplicable. I was glad when I heard it stated that Missouri had turned out 25,000,000 mules. It's from Missouri, and it is expected to be believed. When I was young and in Missouri, I could believe such things. It was a habit, but now that I have come to this grave part of the country, where the people rely largely upon truth, it is not to be expected. I don't know what this Louisiana Purchase is, but if they have appropriated in some questionable manner twenty-five millions, I suppose they propose to use it for the purchase of Louisiana. They ought to know that they can't have Louisiana for this money. This glorifying of S1. Louis is likely to have a bad effect upon you, because it is likely to raise your pride in your state. But there is room for it between here and the zenith. You must keep these things in bounds. George Washington was a Missourian. He was that, not by accident of birth, but by his primacy in the achievement ofliberty and the other great things he did for his country. That made him a Missourian. Caesar was a Missourian. They are all Missourians by right. Abraham 402 MARK TWAIN SPEAKING Lincoln, Robert E. Lee, General Grant-they are all Missourians by right of their achievements. We have soldiers in plenty by that right. John Hay has by that right become a half Missourian. He lived in that state for a short time. I, in my quality as lay preacher, say live your lives in virtue, that when you come to lay your life down you shall not descend, but ascend-to Missouri. Text / "A Missouri Society Now / Representative Missourians, According to Mark Twain," Times, May 29, 1901. John Hay / John Milton Hay (1838-1905). American writer and diplomat . Secretary to Lincoln (1861-65), he was attache of legations in Paris, Vienna, and Madrid (1865-70), and ambassador to Great Britain (1897-98). As secretary of state (1898-1904), he advocated the open door policy and aided in negotiations for the Panama Canal. He was one of the first government officials to use the press conference. Among his books are Pike County Ballads (1871), The Bread-Winners, a novel (1884), and, with John Nicolay, the ten-volume Abraham Lincoln (1890). ...