Ground Pounder: A Marine’s Journey through South Vietnam, 1968-1969

Chapter Seven: Dear John

115 Chapter Seven Dear John “In war, there is no substitute for victory, except survival.” DuetothefactthatIwasn’tfeelingverywarmandfuzzyaboutmyself, my new platoon lieutenant had called me into his quarters for a rap session. After I sat down on a box of C-rations, he and a gung-ho staff sergeant tried to ease my fears and set my mind to rest. I remember the lieutenant said something like, “When your number is up, it’s definitely up. There isn’t any reason to go around worrying about it, because there’s nothing you can do about it. So just do your duty and life will take care of itself.” Then with thick blood vessels sticking out of his barrel-shaped neck, the staff sergeant walked over and whispered into my ear, “You don’t want to be a coward, do you, lad?” Quickly looking up at him, I replied, “I ain’t no coward Sarge, but I sure as hell ain’t stupid either.” As I sat there listening to them, the sensation was one of being in the middle of a Federico Fellini movie. Between the odd shades of light coming through the bunker and the staff sergeant’s surreal, 116 Ground Pounder distorted face, they tried to convince me to accept the senselessness of it all and ignore the gory consequences. The staff sergeant in particular kept poking his face into mine and saying things like, “I don’t sweat nothing kid, because we’re the toughest bastards in the valley,” or “They haven’t made the weapon yet that can get me.” Overall, I thought the lieutenant made a lot of sense, but my problem was much deeper than my fears. I wasn’t scared because I was afraid. I was scared because I didn’t trust my leaders any longer. From my experience, there are basically three different mental phases an infantryman will go through during a war. I doubt very seriously if these phases have changed since the first land armies were initially formed several thousand years ago. During the first phase or rather in the beginning of a person’s tour of duty, the average infantryman believes he is destined to survive the pitfalls of combat. In his mind, getting killed or injured is not even a possibility. These individuals will walk around in a daze, dreaming of home, and relying upon their dumb luck to pull them through. Since theyhaven’tyetwitnessedthehorribleconsequencesofcombat,they don’tseemtorealizethattheyareinanarmedconflictandthatthereis a trade to be learned. Due to the fact that they don’t fully understand their predicament and the rules for survival, they tend to deny their surroundings and reject the notion that it might happen to them. Within their mind-set, death and injury only happen to the other fellow. Instead of taking the initiative, they will passively sit around andawaitfurtherorders.Predictably,theindividualswithinthisphase will make up the majority of the casualties in combat. Upon entering phase two, the majority of infantrymen will experience several profound changes within their personalities and priorities . After realizing that they are in a shooting war by experiencing the death and dismemberment of those around them, they will begin to learn what it really means to be an infantryman. Almost overnight, these guys will begin to work at their trade and endeavor to kill the Dear John 117 enemy.Insteadofdreamingofhomeandthegirlstheyhadleftbehind, they will spend their time improving their deadly skills and preparing themselves for combat. Torn between the will to survive and the necessity to accomplish the mission, they will overcome their doubts and approach their job in a serious, focused manner. As long as they aren’t sent on a suicide mission, it is quite common for them to survive even in the gloomiest situations. Bringing their professionalism to bear, they can make the difference between losing and winning an engagement. As combat leaders, I found that they are less likely to make the obvious mistakes and get people killed, because they will seize the initiative without taking any unwarranted chances. And finally, if an infantryman has witnessed too much combat and thelossofseveralclosefriends,hemightenterphasethree.Thesepoor fellows have come to understand that the longer a person remains in the fray, the less likely it is that he will return home. Professionalism or not, the odds of surviving firefight after firefight will keep getting smaller and smaller with every new engagement. Thus after coming to realize that it’s only a matter of time before their...