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Research—The Best Way to Avoid Real Answers
- Gallaudet University Press
- Chapter
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B U G 139 Research—The Best Way to Avoid Real Answers I’m a dissertation away from a Ph.D. in adult literacy and educational counseling, so trust me when I tell you I no longer breathe oxygen—I breathe research statistics. I no longer eat food—I eat research papers (and drink the black typewriter ink they are printed in). When I sleep, I dream of setting alpha levels and checking for Type II errors. Not that this is a good, or even normal, thing. But you make sacrifices when you go after advanced degrees: in time, energy, and sanity. You tell yourself that you’re giving these things up to become a top expert in your field, to effect real changes within the System . . . that you can really help people if you could just learn a little bit more. But the longer you work in the field, the sooner you come to the realization that the game is not being played in the way you were trained to expect it would be. Deaf education is not overflowing with administrators and teachers dying to implement the latest findings into their programs. Something else entirely is going on, and once you recognize why, you’re forced to make an additional sacrifice: your belief that the whole point of research is to answer questions. Thisishardtodo,becauseappearancesaredeceiving.Research articles start out listing questions they’re supposedly going to answer. Prior research is reviewed, methods of data analysis are 140 C H R I S T O P H E R J O N H E U E R listed, the whole shebang. There will even be a clearly marked “Conclusions” section where the answers to the previously stated questions are supposed to turn up. But within this section , you’ll find curious terms such as a significant percentage. Not all or none or some or most. No researcher worth his salt will allow himself to be cornered on this one. Parent: I’m confused. Will this approach help my kid or not? Researcher: The approach has been shown to help a significant percentage of students. Parent: Well, is that good or bad? Will it help my child? Researcher: I’d have to test him to see. You’ll also find a section entitled “Suggestions for Future Research.” The purpose of this section is to provide a wordily camouflaged backdoor through which the researcher can duck if, when tested in the real world, any of his tentative conclusions fall flat on their faces. In this section, he will oh-so-delicately tell you that, while he rigorously and meticulously cataloged the discrepancies between the performances of Groups A and B, there is a dire need to rigorously catalog the data for Groups C and D as well. But he didn’t do that, because that was beyond the scope of his study. After a while, you understand that the primary purpose of research is to generate more research. It’s meant to wave red flags and shout, “Look! We need to understand this better!” or “We need to study this further!” Research is meant to give professors something to argue about at seminars. If something goes wrong, it allows doctors, administrators, and teachers to sit down with parents and say, “Well, we based our decision on what we knew about best practices at that time.” Translation: plausible deniability. [35.153.106.141] Project MUSE (2024-03-29 17:02 GMT) B U G 141 The Sign for Administrator Pay attention, ASL students—here’s how you do it: Make two finger pistols; first with your right hand; now with your left. Place them one inch from your temples. Wag your head between the barrels. All done! No doubt I’ve just angered all administrators of integrity with the above idea. I’m sorry, but your anger is evidence that you probably aren’t the kind of administrator Deaf education is looking for. Personally, I blame the job postings. They should specify, right in the first sentence, that the opening is for a colonial administrator. WhenYour Cat Is Passive-Aggressive I am just so friggin’ glad that people are not like cats! Take my cat Raj, for example. Passive-aggressive as the sky is blue. Currently she’s mad at me because, if you can dig this, she has a urinary tract infection! I know! The whole thing—impossible! But that’s Raj for you. I mean...