BUG: Deaf Identity and Internal Revolution

But I Don’t Want to Buy a Deaf Person!

B U G 63 But I Don’t Want to Buy a Deaf Person! Based on the luck I’ve been having lately, I just know that someday the relay operator is going to relay the following conversation over my TDD: Operator: Ringing 1 . . . 2 . . . (Answered) . . . (F). . . . Speedy Cab: Speedy Cab, may I help you Q GA Operator: (Explaining relay, please hold. . . .) Speedy Cab: I don’t want to change my phone service, thank you. GA (sounds puzzled) Operator: No, no, this isn’t a phone company. This is the Virginia Relay. . . . Speedy Cab: We’re already signed up with Verizon. I’m sorry. I’m hanging up now. . . . GA Operator: Wait! No, no, I’m not selling anything! A deaf person is trying to contact your comp. . . . Speedy Cab: I don’t know any deaf people. And what is this ‘GA’ thing Q GA Operator: (Sighs) No . . . listen . . . okay, a deaf person is using this relay to. . . . Speedy Cab: We don’t want to buy anything from any deaf people either. GA Operator: They’re not SELLING anything! Speedy Cab: What do they want then Q GA 64 C H R I S T O P H E R J O N H E U E R Operator: The deaf person who is calling me wants you to send a. . . . Speedy Cab: Is this a joke Q GA Operator: No, really, it’s not! A deaf person is using this relay to. . . . Speedy Cab: But I don’t WANT to buy a deaf person! I’ve already got four kids at home! Now I have to work, and you’re tying up my line. I’m hanging up now, okay Q GA Operator: Uh. . . . Speedy Cab: Please disengage the line, ma’am. And I’m not saying GA anymore! Operator: I . . . uh . . . okay. This is a federal issue here, okay? Legally you cannot refuse this call. I’m required to inform you. . . . Speedy Cab: I’ve already got four kids! If you’re saying that you’re putting up deaf children for adoption or something . . . .? Do you want them dropped off at a foster home? Because I can give you the number to my church. . . . Operator: Uh. . . . Speedy Cab: Maybe some other parents in the area might want to adopt, is what I’m saying. My priest might know. . . . Operator: NO! Look! This call is about a CAB! A deaf person wants you to send a cab and is calling through me, a relay operator, to tell you where to send it! Speedy Cab: I’m. . . . I’m not authorized to . . . you know, buy any. . . . We’re not authorized to transport . . . uh, children, you know? Especially any, uh, disabled . . . for adoption agencies . (Clears throat) We’re just a regular cab service. . . . Operator: THIS ISN’T AN ADOPTION AGENCY! B U G 65 Speedy Cab: (Talking in background) Uh, ma’am? I don’t mean to sound unprofessional, but my supervisor is telling me to hang up. We don’t do business with, uh . . . child transport of any kind. . . . Uh . . . perhaps there are some social service agencies you might wish to call. . . . Operator: HE JUST WANTS A CAB! Speedy Cab: I’m going to hang up now. . . . You’re tying up our phone lines, and we’re losing business talking to you. Good day to you. . . . Operator: BUT HE JUST WANTS. . . .! (Person hung up. . . . Would you like to make another call?) Fares Deafness is an Arabic taxi driver, catching just enough English in the destination to get the car moving. Then it’s drive, drive, drive these gibberish-speaking fools around New York all day, as they smile and nod 66 C H R I S T O P H E R J O N H E U E R or slap you with a newspaper. Steering by that, until they dash off at the corner without paying (leaving the door open), or else shove cash at you without counting, just so they can finally get out of the cab. Babes from Space! I’ll bet you any money that the gender who hates science fiction the most is probably women. I find this weird because women, far more than any other American minority, have gained the biggest status boost from the genre. The new Battlestar Galactica TV series is a perfect example . Any fans out there? If so, then you probably know that the original series came...