The Silents

16

CHAPTER 16 ! NEVER saw my father cry. The blue eyes that misted at the slightest emotion-the smile of a baby or the death of someone's pet-stayed dry. In June, 1949, just before my twentieth birthday, he stood proudly in the reception line at my wedding, my mother's arm wrapped around his, pumping hands and patting guests on the back. His rented white tuxedo did marvelous things to his blue eyes, but it didn't mask his slight paunch. Still, he looked virile and handsome. My mother's glasses were now clear, the thought of another specialist who prescribed yet another treatment, hoping something would come ofit. Her hips had widened, and her hair was partially gray, but she looked lovely in a floor-length pale blue dress with a lace peplum. The bright slash of red lipstick that she had given up wearing because she couldn't see her lips in a mirror was back on her mouth, carefully molded by Adelaide. A touch ofrouge and penciled brows brightened her happy look. Aunts and uncles from both sides of the family were there to watch me walk down the aisle. We had decided on the shul where Aunt Selma taught Sunday school, a domed building that would one day become a Greek Orthodox Church. It was the largest building in the neighborhood and the most beautiful. Aunt Selma approved of the rabbi, and both families agreed that it was a proper site for a happy event. We hadn't visited Bubbi's shul since her death. The Maplewood Avenue shul where Zadie still prayed was a hole in the wall, in Aunt Selma's terms. It was hot that day. The temperature still hovered at 90° when 133 the sun went down. Tall ceilings made the shul even hotter. My borrowed gown of heavy satin was wrong for a June wedding, but it was the most glamorous thing I'd ever been dressed in, so I was happy to wear it. Adelaide, my maid ofhonor, wore the sea green dress I had worn to my high school prom, and Hannah and Shirley wore their prom gowns as bridesmaids' dresses. The ceremony went on too long. The heat stored up inside my dress like a furnace. As the rabbi motioned to Al to break the glass under his foot, I swayed, and the room swayed with me. Adelaide propped me up. Then it was over, and we all went downstairs for the dinner reception. Zadie took his place of honor at the head table, which was draped in white cloth down to the floor. Pink flowers were arranged in the middle ofthe table. Chicken soup, matzo balls, and brisket ofbeefwere served in dishes too hot to handle. The waiters put them down quickly and blew their fingers with their lips. I had dreamed of a garden wedding with dainty finger sandwiches ' champagne, and a flowing chiffon gown that billowed in the afternoon breeze. But there was no garden, and we couldn't afford champagne. My savings were just enough to cover a shul-a traditional-wedding. In the frantic weeks leading up to the wedding, Aunt Selma hovered over me, advising me, assuring me that champagne wasn't necessary. "Schnapps is good enough," Aunt Marian added, and that night she placed one bottle on each of the tables. "Enough to make a toast. That's all you need. Are you happy with the sweet table?" she asked me, spreading her hands wide in presentation. The aunts had baked for days to fill up a dessert table of cookies and tiny cakes; my mother-in-law had made her famous strudel. "It's just beautiful," I sighed. I didn't care anymore about my dream wedding. It was tradition to have chicken soup and all the other courses, and it was tradition to serve a hot meal, no matter what the weather, and to put one bottle of schnapps on the table-just one. I couldn't break tradition. 134 My bridesmaids had deserted me. They swung open the doors ofthe banquet room and left to fan themselves outside. I couldn't blame them. At first one friend and then another deserted the festivities in search of a cooling breeze. Then a strange figure appeared in the doorway, reversing the exodus, someone who apparently could stand the heat. His face was indistinguishable in the shadows of...