44 14 july 1969 My dear Isty, It seems like “forever” since I last wrote. Finally the summer has reached a point of stasis and I can begin to think again and think about writing again. But all the while you’ve been very much on my mind: wondering how your work goes for you, the state of the S[ymphony] of M[odules], whether you have some time off this summer & can get away with the family for a rest and vacation. I think the fact that you will be at Buffalo at least for one term is wonderful. [ … ] In late June I did 3 weeks at Temple Institute/Festival of Music and finished putting together a collection of 35 songs—which reach back to 1937 & up to now—for voice & piano.1 Somehow this was part of a larger urge, before going on again to new things, to rescue from oblivion things which I still liked, among them a set of piano variations from 1941.2 Now I’m thinking seriously putting my 1st Symph[ony] back to what it was: a 5-move[ment] work.3 The prospect is frightening—all that work. Also the nagging question: is it worth all the trouble? Since there is no “answer” to such a question I’ll have to decide on other grounds. I’m waiting word from Juilliard to find out if they’ve set the parts extraction in motion yet. Why do I sometimes dread the performance of the IIIrd [Symphony]? I wish there were some way to detach oneself permanently from what one produces in order to be free of all the inner doubts, uncertainties , vainglorious hopes—the whole kit & kaboodle of ego ties which constantly put us through the ringer. Magari [“I wish; if only”]. These are 1969| 73 hard days in which to try to maintain the inner strength & purpose of artistic work. So much pure baloney in the air, so much terror & fear in the world, so much human ineptitude & incapacity. Somehow I have to gather my energies together again and keep going in the face of Vietnam , Black Separatism, Nudity, Civil Strife & violence. What a country, what a culture, what a time! Perhaps the oddest thing of all that is happening to me is a growing need to confirm & reaffirm my Jewishness—not in the ordinary sociological sense, i.e., joining a congregation, observing the religious side, et al., but in the spiritual sense. Digging into the psyche to discover the connections with God or what we call “God” and Life, to find that quality of mind which made it possible to survive and be a Jew in the middle of Hellenic-Roman times, to remain free of all the corruptions which have dragged one people after another down. In a strange way the urge is tied up with music. I mean that music is being corrupted today, is being lost in the vagaries of “false idols.” It has become unclean. If I can find my way clearly to both of these primary conditions of my life (and of life itself) perhaps the next decade, if it’s granted me, will be fruitful for me. I feel very much on a threshold & not sure if the door before me will open or stay shut. [ … ] George 45 5 august 1969 Dear George, [ … ] Yes you are right! We have to meet soon. The topics you bring up in the letter are such that short of writing 100 pages I cannot respond the way I should. The remarks about Jewishness. It is really uncanny, how similarly, on occasions, our inner development takes certain turns. In the piece (in fact I better say through the piece) on which I am working [Foci] I am groping towards an understanding of some facets of the collective psyche of our group which until now were far removed from my concerns. I have become very interested in reading certain parts of the Zohar, for example.4 (Among other things it so Borgesian and/or Nabokovian at places, that it is quite uncanny.) Hassidism, Kabbalah, etc. I came to through this new piece. Well I will resist telling about it in detail here because the lessening of tension (the release, which may be the result of the description) may be detrimental to the work schedule. What a schedule : seven day[s] per week, from 10 a.m. to 10–11 p.m. in the studio (for Part II: Musical Composition (1965–1976) 74 | [44.204.196.161] Project...