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26 Diagnosis KidsSaytheDarndestThings By and large,people were very nice to me when I was dead,but not everyone was so tactful. One friend said to me:“So it is true, then. The more you sleep around the more likely you are to get it.” “Has this made you contemplate your own mortality?”asked a guy who obviously had issues I was wise to keep at bay. (“No, it hasn’t,” I should have replied,“but I’m beginning to contemplate yours right now.”) And there’s the one who obviously had heard from someone else and, leaning over me, wrapped his arm around my shoulders, cocked his head ever so slightly and, in that . . . tone, inquired, “How are you?” I had the feeling that he actually cared very little how I was and that he only wanted me to know that he knew. Funny how a gay man’s hand resting heavily on your shoulder used to say let’s fuck but now means let’s not. Funny how ostensible nearness really betrays distance sometimes. Funny how touchy (and probably unfair) this whole thing has made me. And let’s not forget those who saw the fact that I was dating an HIV-­ negative guy as an opportunity for me to rejoice:“You see? This shows that it’s possible after all.” Did they assume that only the HIV negative, such as themselves, may be the ultimate objects of my or anyone’s desire? Well, at least they said something. ...

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