Educated in Whiteness: Good Intentions and Diversity in Schools

3 Practicing Politeness through Meaningful Silences

C H A P T E R T H R E E Practicing Politeness through Meaningful Silences One of the subtlest challenges we face . . . is how to relegitimate the national discussion of racial . . . tensions so that we can get past the Catch-22 in which merely talking about it is considered an act of war, and in which not talking about it is complete capitulation to the status quo. —PATRICIA WILLIAMS, THE ROOSTER’S EGG: ON THE PERSISTENCE OF PREJUDICE This chapter discusses some of the meaningful silences around— and silencing of—diversity in schools. Similar to the ways powerblind and colorblind iterations of multicultural education do the work of whiteness, educators also engage and reinforce whiteness by valuing polite interactions and schooling youth in politeness. To be polite means showing good manners toward others; being courteous, gracious, and poised; and not being rude. But being polite also refers to being “refined or cultured” and “well-bred” (dictionary.com). Politeness, like niceness, is a mechanism of whiteness. By defining the terms of engagement, politeness and niceness naturalize a particular sort of interaction, communication, and perspective that is void of any context, history, or knowledge of race and power. The links between politeness, silence, and whiteness were vividly clear one day as I sat in a German-language class at Spruce Secondary School. A student’s mother, who was White and from Germany, came to speak with the class. After she introduced herself in German, the students were instructed to ask her questions in the language. One of the few young men of color in the class asked what translated into “What is your color?” and the woman answered “Black” because she assumed he actually meant 84 PR ACT I C I N G P O L I T EN ES S “What is your favorite color?” The student was not satisfied with this answer so he asked the same question again, and when the woman gave the same answer, he said in English, “You’re Black?” The mother then said in English, “Oh, you’re asking me my nationality? You don’t ask that. It is not appropriate.” The student asked why it was not appropriate, and the mother gave a nervous chuckle, looked at the teacher, and simply said again that it was not appropriate. The mother left shortly after this conversation, and the teacher was clearly upset with what had transpired. She reminded the students that they had “been in school for 165 days” and that they had “learned at least 100 questions.” She explained that “one of the most cruel things you can do in Germany . . . is ask anyone what their race or ethnicity is.” She then asked, “Is it polite here?” A number of students answered “Yes,” to which the teacher retorted, “No, it’s not!” The boy who originally asked the question noted that “they do it on the CRT1 test,” and a number of other students asked the teacher why she did not think it was OK to ask. The teacher simply said that it was not appropriate “in public” and “in front of everyone.” She also said that the mother “was being kind” in her answer and that “in America it’s not polite and in Germany it’s worse.” She added, “If someone came up to you and asked you about your religion or ethnicity or race, it’s just not polite.” The original student finally acquiesced to the teacher’s position and said, “Oh, I get it, because you might get made fun of?” The teacher said “Yes” and seemed relieved to end the conversation with these last words: “It really doesn’t matter because we’re all humans.” As the students were leaving the room, the teacher looked at me with wide eyes and put her hands to her cheeks in disbelief or possibly embarrassment. This example illustrates a consistent pattern I observed at Spruce and Birch: Teachers encouraging students to be silent or otherwise avoid conversations about race. This veteran teacher was clearly flustered in the face of students’ race talk, and her belief that such talk was “impolite” highlights what may be a critical motivating factor behind many teachers’ silence and silencing of race. Educators are expected to school children in the social etiquette of the dominant culture, which includes knowing what particular issues to raise and when. As this chapter illustrates, students are consistently taught that silence is the expectation around issues of race...