Caring Liturgies: The Pastoral Power of Christian Ritual

5. Holy Sacrifice

109 5 + Sometimes, simple is better. Sometimes, a supper of Chinese takeout enables the focus to stay on the conversation and the relaxing enjoyment without frenetic distractions like cleaning the kitchen, taking freezer inventory, remembering a recipe. Lowering tensions and expectations has become an art form (for example, “come as you are,” “be casual,” “whatever”). In many circumstances, this can be liberating and erase social stigmas. There is something to be said for the easy, the comfortable , and the convenient. But there are other times when what really matters for human being (and also human doing) is not at all comfortable or convenient or relaxing ; it can be the opposite of easy. Sometimes what really matters are inner attributes: vigilance, focus, attentiveness, empathy; or resisting envy and temptation, keeping faith, holding hope in the face of despair. Sometimes what really matters are outer actions: feeding the crying baby in the middle of the night, getting your homework (or project or sermon ) done on time, speaking an unpopular truth, forgiving an unrepentant detractor, convincing the city to build a homeless shelter, living more frugally. Sometimes what really matters requires changing habits, becoming unpopular, changing priorities, no longer fitting in, living in higher purity and lower self-indulgence, being disciplined. In fact what really matters—being a disciple of Christ—can only be done with Holy Sacrifice Mediating the Labor Pains of Change Caring Liturgies 110 discipline. What really matters—following the Holy One through the Holy Spirit—requires holy living. What really matters costs everything. It takes sacrifice. The irony is that when up against something ultimate, it will cost everything anyway. The question is whether it will cost everything and leave the person with pain and emptiness or whether it will cost everything and lead to life and hope. Joanie and Frank are facing a terrible loss that will cost them their dreams, their household, their family patterns, their married identity, and may cost them some friendships. However, if they do this ritual, the meaning of the losses may change. A bigger reality will be invoked, so that loss through divorce will be relativized and mitigated , and placed in relationship to that which is yet to come. A vision of future may grow larger and become as (or more) real than the empty present. In other words, no one can make the loss and pain disappear; but its power and meaning can be changed in the direction of life and hope or made to stand for something greater or turned to contribute to communion or thanksgiving. As one colleague put it, “We can’t change the reality, but we can change the experience of the reality.” How? How can the meaning and experience of a reality be changed toward life? Through freely participating in the merciful fire of loving, self-giving sacrifice. The next principle for creating caring liturgies that are sanctifying and life giving is the focal person’s wise and sensitive preparation for the rite to integrate inner agony with outer agony so that wholeness and holiness may be kindled. This integration gives the greatest gift—holiness—but first it costs everything. Joanie herself recognized its true name: sacrifice. Every cultural mythology has a story of the sacrifice required for passage to another reality or to deep healing. Joseph Campbell catalogued numerous such stories and called them “the hero’s journey.”1 In Christianity , Jesus first withdrew to the temple at age twelve, leaving the ordinary to encounter the holy and finding his true authority in the home of his Father. Later, at age thirty, he was cast into the desert where he was utterly emptied through terrible temptation, and weakened by lack of food. Holding firm to his core by the power of the Spirit, however, Jesus integrated even these assaults by the Tempter into a deeper strength and compassion, through which he led disciples, changed the world, and continues to lead two millennia later. A presage of the cross, his desert labor cost him dearly. If he had given in to the temptations, where would we be Holy Sacrifice 111 today? His endurance, a gift of the Spirit, came out of his character, but also out of a tremendous effort. His own suffering was huge. He was different after the desert. He was ready for his ministry. This was a laborious sacrifice for him. It enabled the fulfillment of his life and ministry; but...