Facing the Death Penalty: Essays on a Cruel and Unusual Punishment

15. The Isolation of Death Row

15 The Isolation of Death Row C. MICHAEL LAMBRIX It is no secret among American jail and prison inmates that the conditions of confinement in the states' maximum-security institutions are such that coping with one's day-to-day existence requires constant struggle. Yet, having heard these stories, I must admit that their simplifications and exaggerations create an unrealistic picture ofwhat the experience ofbeing placed in solitary confinement while awaiting my date with the executioner is really like. In this essay, I will not attempt to generate sympathy by trying to convince the reader of how rough life on death row can be. Instead, I would simply like to describe, in a biographical fashion, the struggles and challenges that life under a sentence of death presents. The foremost challenge is dealing with isolation. Part of this stems from physical constraints, while part stems from a symbolic isolation that comes from living with the fact that 12 members of your community have determined that you are a worthless person who should no longer be permitted to exist. Isolation is an odd emotion for a prisoner to experience; in fact, our crowded prisons usually create too little, rather than too much, privacy. But on death row, with the exception of a few hours a week in a small exercise yard, there is no opportunity to see other people without bars blocking the view. Friendships that are formed are based on the coincidence of the physical proximity of the person's cell, not on the basis of 198 THE ISOLATION OF DEATH ROW 199 respect, interest, or the common understandings that typify most human relationships. While most people rely on their families for their major source of support, it is not at all uncommon for this resource to be unavailable to death row prisoners. In my own case, I have never experienced the web of mutually supportive social relationships that families usually offer; in fact this deficit led me to leave my home and nine brothers and sisters at age 15. When I was tried on the capital charge in 1984, no family members came to my trial (in fact, my lawyer was forced to subpoena them to testify on my behalf at the sentencing phase). One critical letter from my father has been the only contact since. In short, if one is to understand the isolation of death row, it must be realized that many of the condemned men do not have the family supports that those on the outside might imagine would be available. Further, this deficit means that few death row inmates ever get outside visitors. A third element ofisolation is the feeling that one has when seeing one's closest friends and neighbors being led off to their doom. My first years on death row were spent in a cage next to a death row veteran, who helped me a great deal by teaching me survival tactics and sharing his meager possessions. He, like others I have known, has now been executed. Death row inmates share a common fate and unity based on our hostility toward those who are trying to kill us, but our mistrust ofothers spreads to encompass each other. Not only can trust in fellow inmates backfire, but the ability to trust is impeded by the knowledge that any trust or closeness will only add to the pain felt when those you may be close to are led off to their deaths. A fourth element of isolation germinates from struggles with one's own self Perhaps my greatest struggle is with my inability to control my own impatience. Minor incidents with the prison authorities or fellow inmates can eaSily aggravate me; on several occasions I have snapped back at them without first giving it thought, only to realize later that my reaction was ridiculous. Even my closest friends can be the target of my wrath if they ask me a simple question at a moment when my self-control is lacking. I feel isolated from myself. I am impatient because I believe, as strongly as one can believe, that my conviction and condemnation were unjust, and I should be living my life elsewhere. The lack of evidence against me caused 200 C. MICHAEL LAMBRIX my first trial to end in a hung jury, and ever since that second jury convicted me, I have remained confident that appellate courts would intervene to correct the...