Love, Sorrow, And Rage

5. Abuses of the Spirit

5 Abuses of the Spirit DENISE SCOTT is working the reception desk. It's a surprise to see her sitting still; most often she is on the go. Denise greets me with a gummy smile, her teeth lost to the streets. Today, her naturally coiled hair is unnaturally slicked down with pomade. Leaning over the counter, I catch a whiff of whiskey and ask about her daughter. Denise places her hand on her own slim belly, pushing it out. Renee is pregnant. Denise describes her only child as "an active crack abuser." Renee already has three children and now she's pregnant again. Denise hoped it wouldn't be so. She wishes her daughter would have an abortion, but Renee reminds her mother that abortion is against their religion. "We're Catholic," Denise explains as she raises an eyebrow, perhaps thinking about her daughter's religious convictions. "My daughter wants to go into recovery," Denise explains, "but she doesn't know how to get started. Who's going to take care of the kids? She's abused them in the past. She's worried about losing them. Now she's getting high every day." Two of Renee's three children were born crack-addicted, according to Denise. 85 Copyrighted Material 86 Chapter Five Denise is a longtime resident of Woodhouse, but her drinking problems may end her streak of decent housing luck. Three years ago, Denise had the chance to move to Georgia with her longstanding boyfriend Alfred. She didn't go, she says, because she knows Renee needs her to be nearby, as does her aged mother. The old lady is confined to her one-room apartment some blocks north in Harlem. Denise visits often and brings her little things she needs. Most often, Renee comes by Woodhouse on Saturdays and brings the kids to visit with their grandma Denise. In the meantime, Alfred remains patient, calling Denise every few months to see if she has changed her mind. She hasn't. DEBRA BROWN doesn't seem worried about wearing out her welcome at Woodhouse. She insists she doesn't have a drug problem. Maybe she's one of the women Victoria describes as "in complete denial," at least when it comes to drugs. "Crack's a nice little high," is Debra's position. "I've been a crack and reefer user for about five years now." Debra, with her velvety, chocolate-colored skin and model-like cheekbones, is one of the few women at Woodhouse who has a youthful appearance. Without the bandanna she wears over cropped hair and minus the back-and-forth rocking movements inspired, most probably, by Prolixin, you might consider Debra elegant. Debra tells me that "the people at Woodhouse" don't want her to do crack anymore, but she thinks it's okay. "It doesn't seem like it harms you, and it's a nice little high," Debra says in almost a whisper. "They don't let you smoke crack in here," she informs me. "Why?" J ask. '''Cause they put you out." Copyrighted Material Abuses of the Spirit 87 Debra is matter-of-fact about any and all details of her life. She had her first taste of alcohol and cigarettes when she was fourteen years old. Her mother died of cancer when she was eleven, but it didn't matter much because Debra had been living in foster care anyway since she was seven. For some of the time, she had lived with one aunt in Brooklyn and another in Ohio. Debra's father died when she was seven years old, and her older brother Trevor died "of alcohol " too. She has another brother someplace. His name is James. Debra moved to Ohio just before she was to enter high school. Her aunt Mary invited her to come because she had only sons and had always wanted a daughter. Debra didn't mind. In Ohio, she went to school up to the tenth grade. When she was fourteen, Debra had a baby boy. His name is Martin, and he's now twenty-two years old.The only other time Debra became pregnant was when she was about eighteen , but she had an abortion. After that, she took birth control pills for about three years and never became pregnant again. She believes the birth control pills "just stuck to me, stuck to my ribs," from the time she started...