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22: taking a political path (1967) as I rode in the Jeep back to Saigon late that night, I was reminded of a dramatically different side of the war, but one no less tragic in its way. On a stretch of several miles of the road that linked the Bien Hoa airbase to the Saigon highway, I passed at least a hundred small, primitively built nightclubs and bars with their names spelled out in glowing, garish neon: “Paradise on Earth,” “Hollywood Tonite,” “In Love with You,” “Make Love and Fight War.” There was little activity around them now because of the curfew (which usually began at 5 p.m.). When I passed this way during the daytime I knew I would see young women and even girls barely into their teens, heavily made up and seeming near-nude in revealing costumes, running after and embracing GIs in full combat uniforms. Most of the women and girls came from the refugee camps and had been innocent country girls only a short time earlier. Many were helping to support their families. In a way, they were casualties of the war just as much as those injured in battle. In accordance with the new constitution I would be allowed to run for the National Assembly while serving as an officer. General Thang, who had not acceded to my request months earlier, now had to release me.1 I discussed the situation with my wife and asked her to arrange for her mother and father to take care of the children . Fortunately, we had income from a rental property so this would not be an economic burden for her parents. She was disappointed with my decision and showed some anxiety about the changes it would make in our family life, but in the end she was supportive as ever. Since our marriage eighteen years earlier Nhan had been an exemplary wife and mother, managing our household and raising the children on my salary, though admittedly her family helped us at times. During those years, she had seen most of my classmates get fast, easy promotions to more secure and prosperous positions than offered on the path I had taken. A few were now generals, and their wives wore diamonds while their children went to the best French schools. What I admired in Nhan was her calm acceptance of the life I had chosen. Though at times she may have felt embarrassed wearing her more modest apparel on occasions when other ladies displayed their jewels and finery, she never complained, was jealous, or showed any interest in having me attain more material success. Nhan knew, of course, that I would have progressed further and had better-paying, more 278 vietnam labyrinth prestigious jobs at times had I been content not to make waves. She never tried to dissuade me from following the course my conscience dictated. “Are there any other reasons that influenced you to make this drastic decision?” she asked, still probing to understand my thinking fully, perhaps so she could better reconcile her own feelings about the matter. “Yes. For a long time after I quit the Viet Minh and joined South Vietnam, I just wanted to be a good nationalist and a career military officer, leaving political considerations to people in government whom I considered superior to me in such matters . When President Diem called on me to work in his government, I felt I owed him both respect and gratitude for selecting me, though I knew his esteem for my family was at least partially responsible for my appointment. “With time and the opportunity to work directly with him for almost three years, I came to know him well, and to admire and respect him even more. I took him as my model of a nationalist, patriot, and religious person. I tried to do my best in my various positions without thinking much beyond the present. After his death I worked much harder, trying to help both the American and Vietnamese leaders to win this war, believing they had good aims and intentions, but did not have the same background knowledge and experience that I did. “I realize now that my efforts have been fruitless. If I stay in the army or government , I still will be a subordinate, even if I should have stars pinned on my shoulders . I would only be able to obey orders, and not to argue or put forth different ideas. For unlike Diem, who had...

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