Bar Mitzvah, a History

7. Current Issues and Trends

160 Chapter Seven Current Issues and Trends • Valley Beth Shalom, a Conservative congregation in the Los Angeles area, has piloted a bar/bat mitzvah program for divorced families called “Celebration and Negotiation.” • The dvd Praying with Lior documented the story of a boy with Down syndrome working for and celebrating his bar mitzvah in 2004. • In 1983 the ccar declared that anyone who had one Jewish parent could become Jewish through appropriate acts of identification, including bar/bat mitzvah. • In 2008 Dr. Eugene Gettelman celebrated his fourth bar mitzvah at the age of one hundred at Westwood Horizons, Los Angeles. • In 1956 Rabbi Moses Feinstein proposed the abolition of bar mitzvah on the grounds that it did not bring the boys closer to Torah and led Jews to desecrate the Sabbath. • In the comedy film Keeping Up with the Steins (2006), a Hollywood moviemaker tells his son, “I want you to have the biggest bar mitzvah in the history of bar mitzvahs.” • The Jewish Renewal movement suggests that instead of giving presents , guests support a meaningful cause. No Driving. No Shopping. No Wrapping. • Today the celebration of bar or bat mitzvah is more popular than at any time in the past. The Postmodern Family Not every Jewish family has two happy parents and their loving children. Bar and bat mitzvah are popular family celebrations taking place in a world in which family life has become increasingly stressful and more difficult and the definition of what constitutes a family have changed dramatically . David Grossman’s Hebrew novel The Zigzag Kid (1994) tells the current issues and trends 161 story of Nonny Feuerberg, who takes a surreal journey across Israel in the week before his bar mitzvah. In the course of the journey he uncovers the story of his dead mother and other secrets that have helped to shape his own identity. The bar mitzvah celebration itself is not part of the story, but it is crucial to the plot because it denotes a time of discovery. The novel reflects the reality of postmodern family life, when bar mitzvah can be a time when long-buried family secrets are revealed: “Your mother, Zohara. Before she died. She told me to find you and tell you the whole story before your bar mitzvah. She said you must know everything about her.”1 Nonny uncovers the past, including his mother’s identity, her crimes, her gift, and the people she loved. The novel suggests a new meaning for bar/bat mitzvah as a time that looks to the past rather than to the future, when a child needs to know the real truth about his or her roots and family influences and the way they have shaped his personality. On one hand, the increasing prosperity of the twentieth century has led to the gradual growth of bar/bat mitzvah as a social occasion and the seemingly unstoppable trend toward more and more lavish parties. Some have rejected extravagance and explored alternatives, such as bar mitzvah in Israel and eco- and diy celebrations. On the other hand, family life has become more stressful and more difficult. Bar/bat mitzvah takes place in mixed-faith families or those in which the parents are divorced or in which the child has special educational or health needs. These issues require new solutions, specialist help, and caring professionals. Bar/Bat Mitzvah and Divorce An important social change that has affected bar/bat mitzvah for the most recent generation is the growth of the number of children with divorced or separated parents. Historically, orphans were recognized as lacking a parent, and Jewish communities set up funds to arrange a bar mitzvah for them. Today the problems—and their solutions—are very different. An impending bar/bat mitzvah can risk exposure to a decaying relationship ; after separation or divorce, one parent may be absent during the preparation; some divorced parents may want two separate parties to be held; and battles played out during the divorce may be reenacted publicly or privately as the event takes shape. Although divorce occurs between the parents, some absent parents have also divorced themselves from the children. 162 current issues and trends An early attempt to write about this issue in 1982 made the assumption (which would be unacceptable today) that in remarried families old or new schisms are bound to eradicate good feelings completely. The answer suggested was described as “treatment” and included...