Jewish Life in the Middle Ages

CHAPTER X. MARRIAGE CUSTOMS

CHAPTER X MARRIAGE CUSTOMS THE choice of certain days of the week on which to celebrate Jewish marriages was, however, quite free from superstitious motives. The favourite wedding day in the middle ages was Friday,l The selection of this day was entirely against the Talmudic prescriptions on the sub· but the convenience of marrying on Friday was so obvious that medieval authorities, while deploring the custom, did not seriously attempt to effeet a change. Wednesday was also a not uncommon day for the marof virgins, and Thursday for widows, but Friday carried off the palm for popuiarity. There were several reasons for this. Though marriage was forbidden on the Sabbath (as well as on festivals), nevertheJess the proximity in time to the day of rest, and the opportunity given for assoeiating the wedding with the synagogue service of the following day, gave to Friday a peculiar appropriateness. For the marriage 1 See Mordecai to BeZfl v; f{o/b(J, 87 a: Wll':>, lIilch. f{iddushin, 63, 3: Maharil (cited in full below); Simeon h. Zcmach Duran ;\lln:n 'll (Constant. 1576?): Rokeach, § 353; Madu,oY ;\1("110'"' )"11:) (ed. Constanti· nople, 1573). Z Wednesday and Thursday were the marriage days of the :Vlishllah (MishlUln f{ethu!Joth, i. I). 186 The Memo.", of Zion day, amid all its uproarious merrymakings, pOlilsessed a solemnity illustrated by many customs. The bride and bridegroom fasted on the wedding morn and regarded the occasion as one on which to make special penitence. Ashes were strewn over the heads of the bridal pair during the wedding ceremony. In Germany the bridegroom wore a cowl- a typical mourning garb. Fur was an ordinary trimming for the wedding dresses: this was equally a sign of grief. The bride wore over her !nore festive attire a white sargenes or shroud. These and similar tokens of grief did not imply that marriage was other than a joy, but arose from a twofold sentiment, on the one hand from a desire to keep even men's joys tempered by more serious thoughts, and on the other hand from the never-forgotten memory of the mourning for Zion. As Byron put it :These Oriental writings on the wan. Quite common in those countdes. are a kind Of monitors adapted to recall, Like skulls at Memphian banquets, to the mind The words which shook Belshauar in his hall. And took his kingdom from him: you will find, Though sages may pour out their wisdom's treasure, There is no sterner moralist than pleasure. Probably both these motives, the moralizing of pleasure and the memory of Zion, combined in equal degrees to popularize what has become a most characteristic feature of Jewish weddings, namely the breaking of a glass,l the pieces of which were eagerly picked up by unmarried girls. More 1 cr. T. B. BtrtUnQ/k, 30 b, which suggests that the former reason predomInated . 'When the Ion of Rabina was married the father saw that the Rabbis present at the marriage feast were in an uproarious mood, 110 he took a costly vase of white porcelain worth 400 zuzim (=£2O?) and broke it before them to curb their apiriti.' See 'lilsa/ut/j. ad loco 188 Marriage Customs fanciful explanations have been suggested for the glass breaking, and there is little doubt that sentimental thoughts have encouraged the retention of the practice. A similar association of the serious with the joyous prompted the chorus of a rabbi at a wedding feast: 1_ Woe to Il$, we mw;t die! Woe to us, we must die! Where is the Law? Where is the deed? The Law and good deeds will save us from deathl Though the wedding songs of the Jews seldom repeat this dirgeful note, the memory of Zion recurs, especially in the wedding odes of Jehuda Halevi, as a pathetic refrain:1 BtrachotA, 31 a. A dove of rarest worth And sweet exceedingly; Alas, why does she turn And fly so far from me? In my fond heart a tent, Should aye prepared be. My poor heart she has caught With magic spells and wiles. I do not sigh for gold, But for her mouth that smiles; Her hue it is so hright, She half makes blind my sight. The day at last is here Filled full of love's sweet fire; The twain shall soon be one, Shall stay their fond desire. Ah t...