China: Understanding Its Past

3. Parents and Children

Parents and Children 3 Section Reading: A Diligent Wife and Fine Mother T he bonds between children and their parents were strong. Parents had obligations in raising their children, and children had obligations to their parents. In this section you will read about ideal parents and children. Although most Chinese fell short of the behaviors demonstrated by the people in these stories, accounts of their conduct served as models to which other Chinese could aspire. The following story takes us back three centuries . It was written by a well-known writer, Pu Songling, who lived during the 1600s. Chinese storytellers often used stories to moralize. As you read about Hsi-liu, think of what the writer might have wanted to teach. What does the story tell us about the ideal wife and mother? What does it tell us about how the Chinese saw women? Hsi-liu was the daughter of a scholar living in Chung-tu. She was given this name—which means “delicate willow”—because her waist was so incomparably slender. She was an intelligent girl with a good grasp of literature and had a particular fondness for books on human physiognomy. Easygoing by nature, she was not one to criticize others; but whenever anyone came to make inquiries about possibly marrying her, she always insisted on taking a personal look at the suitor, and though she examined many men, she found them all wanting. By the time she was nineteen her parents had grown angry, and said to her, “How can there be no mate suitable for you on this earth? Do you want to keep your girlish braids until you’re an old woman?” Hsi-liu replied, “I had truly hoped that with my human forces I could overcome the divine forces, but I have not succeeded over these many years and can see that it is my fate. From this time on I will ask no more than to obey my parents’ commands.” At this time it happened that there was a scholar named Kao, from a good family and known for his abilities, who asked for Hsi-liu’s hand in marriage and sent over the bridal gifts. So the ceremonies were performed. A Chinese woman of some means wearing a traditional dress, circa 1890. Courtesy of Hong Kong Museum of History, Urban Council. Section 3: Parents and Children 37 Husband and wife got on well together. Kao had a son of five from a former marriage, named Ch’ang-fu, and Hsi-liu looked after the boy so lovingly that if she had to go off and visit her parents, he yelled and wept and tried to follow her, and no amount of scolding would make him stop. After a little over a year Hsi-liu gave birth to a son of her own, and named him Ch’ang-hu—“the reliable one.” When her husband asked what the name signified, she answered, “Only that I hope he will remain long with his parents.” Hsi-liu was cursory over woman’s work and seemed to take little interest in it; but she pored carefully over the records in which the acreage of their properties and the size of their tax assessment were listed, and worried if anything was not exactly accurate. After a time she said to Kao, “Would you be willing to give up attending to our family’s business affairs and let me look after them?” Kao let her take over; for six months everything went well with the family’s affairs, and Kao praised her. One day Kao went off to a neighboring village to drink wine with friends, and while he was away one of the local tax collectors came, demanding payment. He banged on the door and cursed at Hsi-liu; she sent one of her maids to calm him down, but since he wouldn’t go away, she had to send one of the menservants to go fetch her husband home. When Kao returned, the man left. Kao laughed and said, “Hsi-liu, do you now begin to see why an intelligent woman can never be the match for a stupid man?” When Hsi-liu heard these words she lowered her head and began to cry; worried, Kao drew her to him and tried to encourage her, but for a long time she could not be comforted. He was unhappy that she was so caught up in running the household affairs, and suggested that he take them over...