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"In this original and wonderfully energetic book, Bradley Paul moves from humor to mockery to play to anger to grief, and sometimes all at once. This poetry shifts, it slams, it hammers, it thinks; it corrodes our sorrow and foolishness; it captures our national haplessness, sad and firing and still."
--Jean Valentine

"This is a book of 'Instructions,' a 'How To' book, a 'Guide' to the anarchic carnival of everyday life. It is a wicked book smelling of 'scrapple' and the 'puke of poetry.' And yet rising out of the bile is something else--call it a love for words and poetry--that can gleefully announce that 'a monkey could write this poem.' Read this book and you will lean 'how to stop your doppelganger from plagiarizing you,' which is exactly what you need to know to live in the twenty-first century." --John Yau

Bradley Paul’s work has appeared in American Poetry Review, Pleiades, Smartish Pace, Boston Review, and other journals. His first book of poetry, The Obvious, was selected by Brenda Hillman for the 2004 New Issues Poetry Prize. A native of Baltimore, he now lives in Los Angeles.

Table of Contents

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  1. Title Page, Copyright Page
  2. pp. i-vi
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  1. Contents
  2. pp. vii-xii
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  1. Anybody Can Write a Poem
  2. pp. 1-2
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  1. I ♥ Poetry
  2. pp. 3-4
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  1. Panic: A Retrospective
  2. p. 5
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  1. Literalness
  2. pp. 6-7
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  1. Comment on the Sale of My Grandmother’s House
  2. p. 8
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  1. Trade
  2. p. 9
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  1. Comment on the Humidity of the Brain
  2. pp. 10-12
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  1. Obvious one day that the beige carpet was a different beige
  2. p. 13
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  1. Choreography of Kaspar Meglinger
  2. p. 14
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  1. The Golem on His Way to Kill the King
  2. p. 15
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  1. Law, Order
  2. p. 16
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  1. How to Stop Your Doppelgänger from Plagiarizing You
  2. pp. 17-18
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  1. How to Deal with the Most Persistent Zombie
  2. pp. 19-20
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  1. Two Front Teeth
  2. p. 21
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  1. Comment on Source Material
  2. pp. 22-24
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  1. Narcissus of the Damned
  2. pp. 25-27
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  1. Instructions on Damaging the Monster’s Cloak of Invisibility
  2. p. 28
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  1. How to Bathe
  2. p. 29
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  1. It’s Weird that So Many Animals Including Us Have Lungs
  2. p. 30
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  1. El Siete Mares
  2. p. 31
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  1. The Animals All Are Gathering
  2. pp. 32-33
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  1. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.
  2. p. 34
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  1. Instructions on Administering Nitrous Oxide
  2. pp. 35-36
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  1. Comment on the Coloration of the Floor
  2. p. 37
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  1. A Monkey Could Write this Poem
  2. p. 38
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  1. On the Sleeve
  2. pp. 39-40
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  1. Count to Ten Before Killing My Lassitude
  2. pp. 41-42
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  1. Sophistry for Chattel
  2. pp. 43-44
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  1. ”But Nature is so uncomfortable. Grass is hard and lumpy and damp, and full of dreadful black insects.”
  2. p. 45
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  1. Instructions on Dreaming of Walking
  2. pp. 46-49
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  1. The Bible Is God’s Personal Letter to You
  2. pp. 50-51
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  1. In.Case.Of.Trapped.Animal.Call.Lucy.
  2. p. 52
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  1. Red Dwarves
  2. p. 53
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  1. My Quietness Has a Man in It
  2. p. 54
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  1. Instructions on Running Over a Cat
  2. pp. 55-57
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  1. Cocky Poem
  2. p. 58
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  1. Healing Mass
  2. p. 59
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  1. Commentary on Parole
  2. p. 60
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  1. How to Approach the Girl with Candies on a Tray
  2. p. 61
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  1. Appreciation: A Lament
  2. p. 62
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  1. All Up in the Chicken Boxes
  2. p. 63
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  1. Comment on My Failed Graphic Novel
  2. p. 64
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  1. Immediately upon Pruning a Favorite Tree
  2. p. 65
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  1. Non-Parable of the Boulder
  2. pp. 66-68
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  1. Death Threat
  2. pp. 69-70
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  1. Commentary on Visiting Your Grandfather’s Grave
  2. p. 71
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  1. Come on—roses?
  2. pp. 72-76
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  1. Short Ends
  2. pp. 77-78
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  1. Acknowledgments
  2. pp. 79-81
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