American Poetry Now: Pitt Poetry Series Anthology

Denise Duhamel

0 4 denise duhaMeL Denise Duhamel’smostrecentbooksareTwoandTwoandQueenfor aDay:SelectedandNewPoems.Shecoedited,withNickCarbo,SweetJesus: PoemsabouttheUltimateIcon,and,withMaureenSeatonandDavidTrinidad, Saintsof Hysteria:AHalf-Centuryof CollaborativeAmericanPoetry.Arecipient of aNationalEndowmentfortheArtsFellowship,sheteachesatFlorida InternationalUniversityinMiami. Photo by Nick Carbó 0 4 denise duhaMeL Kinky Theydecidetoexchangeheads. Barbiesqueezesthesmallopeningunderherchin overKen’sbulgingnecksocket.Hiswidejawlinejostles atophisgirlfriend’sbody,loosely, likeoneof thosenoddingnoveltydogs destinedtogazefromthebackwindowsof cars. ThetwodollschaseeachotheraroundtheorangeCountryCamper, unsurewhatthey’lldowhenthey’rewithintouchingdistance. KenwantstofeelBarbie’stoesbetweenhislips, takeoff oneof herlegsandforcehiswholearminsideher. Withonlythevaguestsuggestionof genitals, allthealluringqualitiestheypossessasfashiondolls, upuntilnow,havedoneneitherof themmuchgood. ButsuddenlyBarbieisexcitedlookingatherownbody undertheweightof Ken’sface.Heispartcircusfreak, partthwartedhermaphrodite.Andsheisimagining sheissomebodyelse—maybesomebodymiddleclassandordinary, maybeanotherteenagemodelbeingcaughtinascandal. ThenighthadbegunwithBarbiegettingangry atfindingKen’sblow-updoll,foldedandstuffed underthecouch.Hewasdefensiveandashamed,especiallyabout nothavingthebreathtoinflateher.Butafteraround of pretend-tears,BarbieandKenvowedtotry tomaketheirrelationshipwork.Withtheirgoodmemories assustainingasgoodfood,theylistenedtolate-nightradio talkshows,onefeaturingDoctorRuth.Whenallelsefails, justholdeachother,thesmallsextherapistcrooned. BarbieandKen,oncue,gropedinthedark, theirinterchangeableskinglowing,thecolorof Band-Aids. Then,theyletthemselvesgo—SoonBarbiewasbeggingKen totryonherspandexminiskirt.Sheshowedhimhow topivotasthoughhewereonarunway.Kenbegged totieBarbieontohisyellowsurfboardandspinher onthekitchentableuntilshegrewdizzy. Anything, anything,theybothsaidtotheother’srequests, theirmirroreddesiresbubblingfromthemostunlikelyplaces. Sex with a Famous Poet Ihadsexwithafamouspoetlastnight andwhenIrolledoverandfoundmyself besidehimIshuddered becauseIwasmarriedtosomeoneelse, becauseIwasn’tsupposedtohavebeendrinking, becauseIwasinafancyhotelroom Ididn’trecognize.Iwouldhavetoldyou rightoff thiswasadream,butrecently afriendtoldme,writeaboutadream, loseareaderandIdidn’twanttoloseyou rightaway.Iwantedyoutohear thatIdidn’tevenlikethepoetinthedream,thathehas fourkids,theyoungestonemyage,andIfindhim ratherunattractive,thatIonlymethimonce, thatis,inreallife,andthatwasinalargegroup inwhichIbarelyspokeup.Hedisgustedme withhisdisparagingremarksaboutwomen. Heevenusedtheword“Jap,” whichItookasadirectinsulttomyhusband,who’sAsian. Whenwewerefirstdating,Itoldhim, “Youweretalkinginyoursleeplastnight andIlistened,justtomakesureyoudidn’t calloutanyoneelse’sname.”Myfuturehusbandsaid thathecouldn’tbeheldresponsibleforhissubconscious, whichworriedme,whichmademethinkhisdreams werefullof blondevixensinrabbit-furbikinis, buthesaidno,hedreamtmostlyaboutboulders andtheoceanandvolcanoes,dangerousweather hewitnessedbutcoulddonothingtostop. AndIsaid,“Idreamonlyof you,” whichwasromanticandsillyanduntrue. ButIneverthoughtI’ddreamof anotherman— myhusbandandIhadn’tevenhadafight, myheadtuckedsweetlyinhisarmpit,myarm aroundhisbelly,whichliftedupanddown allnight,gentlylikewaterinalake. If Ipassedthatfamouspoetonthestreet, hewouldwalkby,famousinhissunglasses 0 4 denise duhaMeL andblazerwiththesuedepatchesattheelbows, withoutsomuchasaglanceinmydirection. Iknowyou’reprobablycuriousaboutwhothepoetis, soIshouldtellyouthecluesI’veleftaren’t accurate,thatI’vedisguisedhisidentity, thatyoushouldn’tguessIbetit’shim... becauseyou’llneverguesscorrectly andevenif youdo,Iwon’ttellyouthatyouhave. Iwouldn’twanttoembarrassastranger whois,afterall,probablyaniceperson, whowasprobablyjusthavingabaddaywhenImethim, whoisprobablygrowingalittletiredof hisfame— whichmyhusbandandIperceiveasenormous, buthowmuchfamecananAmericanpoet reallyhave,let’ssay,comparedtoarockstar orfilmdirectorof equaltalent?Notthatmuch, andthefamouspoetknowsit,knowsthathe’snot trulygivenhisdue.Knowsthatmany of theseyoungpoetstuggingonhissleeve areonlypretendingtohavereadallhisbooks. Buthesmilesanyway,triestobehelpful. Imean,thispoethastohavesomeredeemingqualities,right? Forinstance,hewritesameaniambic. Otherwise,whatwasIdoinginhisarms? The Difference between Pepsi and Pope Ihavethisblindspot,adarkline,thinasahair,thatobliterates astrokeof sceneryontherightsideof myfieldof vision sothatoftenIgetwholewordsattheendof sentenceswrong likewhenIfirstsawthetitleof DavidLehman’spoem “TheDifferenceBetweenPepsiandCoke”andImisread “Coke”for“Pope.”Thisblindspotmakesmeaterribledriver, abadjudgeof distances,aping-pongplayerthatinspiresgiggles fromtheoppositeteam. Iknewapoetwhodressedupasacookie andpassedoutanewbrandinacrowdedsupermarket.  4 denise duhaMeL andblazerwiththesuedepatchesattheelbows, withoutsomuchasaglanceinmydirection. Iknowyou’reprobablycuriousaboutwhothepoetis, soIshouldtellyouthecluesI’veleftaren’t accurate,thatI’vedisguisedhisidentity, thatyoushouldn’tguessIbetit’shim... becauseyou’llneverguesscorrectly andevenif youdo,Iwon’ttellyouthatyouhave. Iwouldn’twanttoembarrassastranger whois,afterall,probablyaniceperson, whowasprobablyjusthavingabaddaywhenImethim, whoisprobablygrowingalittletiredof hisfame— whichmyhusbandandIperceiveasenormous, buthowmuchfamecananAmericanpoet reallyhave,let’ssay,comparedtoarockstar orfilmdirectorof equaltalent?Notthatmuch, andthefamouspoetknowsit,knowsthathe’snot trulygivenhisdue.Knowsthatmany of theseyoungpoetstuggingonhissleeve areonlypretendingtohavereadallhisbooks. Buthesmilesanyway,triestobehelpful. Imean,thispoethastohavesomeredeemingqualities,right? Forinstance,hewritesameaniambic. Otherwise,whatwasIdoinginhisarms? The Difference between Pepsi and Pope Ihavethisblindspot,adarkline,thinasahair,thatobliterates astrokeof sceneryontherightsideof myfieldof vision sothatoftenIgetwholewordsattheendof sentenceswrong likewhenIfirstsawthetitleof DavidLehman’spoem “TheDifferenceBetweenPepsiandCoke”andImisread “Coke”for“Pope.”Thisblindspotmakesmeaterribledriver, abadjudgeof distances,aping-pongplayerthatinspiresgiggles fromtheoppositeteam. Iknewapoetwhodressedupasacookie andpassedoutanewbrandinacrowdedsupermarket.  4 denise duhaMeL ThenextdayhegavethePepsiChallengetopassersby inamall. Ifeltold-fashionedadmittingtothispoetthatIpreferCoke, thatwavyhyphenthatseparatesitsfullnameCoca~Cola. Likethebarletdowninthelimbodance,theSpanishtildecomesdownuntil notevenalowercaselettercansqueezeunderit. Isearchedforthatcharacterrecently,writingtoDavidLehman, tellinghimaboutanelectronicmagazine,theaddressof which hadthis~init.Icouldn’tfindit,althoughIstared atmycomputerkeyboardformorethanafewminutes. Ionlynoticedittodayintheupperlefthandcorner,abovethetab, thealternateof `,if youhittheshiftkey.Iwonderif Ialsohaveablindspot inmylefteye.Iwonderif thepoetwhodressedasacookie ishappyinhisnewmarriage.Iwonderif youcanstillgetabottleof Tab anywhere,thatawfulsodamyforever-dietingauntusedtodrink, withitspinklogo,its“a”allswirls,lookinglike@. Yesterday, whenmyhusbandwaswaitingatanintersection,hesaid,Isanyonecoming?Ilookedfrom thepassengerseatandsaidconfidently,Wecanmakeit. Thenwewerealmostrunoff theroad.Isaid I’msorryI’msorrythroughtheexchangeof honksandfists andcouldn’tbelievewhenmyhusbandforgavemesoquickly. Notonlythat, butI’mabadproofreader,Ithoughttomyself asImadeamentallist of waysthatIfeltinadequate.OnefriendalsorecentlynotedthatmaybeI talktoomuchaboutmyself,soItoldhertheBetteMidlerjoke, Enoughaboutme,whatdoyouthinkof me? whichdoesn’treally bringmebacktoDavidLehmanandhispoem,butdoesmakemerealize howfarawayIstrayedfrommyoriginalpoint, whichwasthatIthoughthispoemwouldbefunnybecauseof thetitle, nottherealtitle,butmymistakenone.Istartedtoguesshispoem inmyhead:PepsiisbubblyandbrownwhilethePope isflatandwhite.Pepsidoesn’thaveabigwhitehat.ThePope can’tgetridof fenderrust.Pepsiisallforpremaritalsex. ThePopewon’tstainyourteeth. But“TheDifference BetweenPepsiandCoke”isatenderpoemaboutafather whomthespeakerreveresandIwonderif DavidLehman’sownfather  4 denise duhaMeL isaliveordead,whichissomethingIoftendo—wonder howmuchistrue—whenIreadapoembysomeoneIlike, whichIknowisnottherightwaytoreadapoemeventhough MollyPeacocksaidatherreadingthatsheisthe“I” inallof hersanddoesn’tusetheword“speaker”anymore. Still, IfeellikeaPeepingTom,althoughthisisreallyaboutwhatIcan’tsee, myblindspots,andhoweasyitisformetodoubtmydecisions, howIrelatetothefatherinLehman’spoemwho“won’tadmithisdread of boredom”andpanicsandforgives.Howeasyitistoliveforstretchesatatime inthatskinnydarkline,howeasyitistogetsomanythingsallwrong. Nick at Nite Whengrowingup,NickneversawTheBradyBunch. HewatchedEatBulagawithTito,Vic,andJoey, whichhelikenstoaFilipinoversionof TheThreeStooges. HeateSkyFlakescrackersinsteadof Ritz anddrankRoyalTrueOrangewithpulpbitsinsteadof Sunkist. Heremembersthebellssignalingtheafter-dinnerarrival of Magnoliaicecream–vendorspushingsilvercoolers, notdrivingtrucks.ItellhimaboutAppleJacks, thecerealthatturnedakid’smilkpink andthephenomenonof BananaQuik. ItrytoexplainMadge,thebrassybeauticianwhodipped herclients’handsinPalmoliveDishwashingLiquid betweenmanicures.Myhusbandendures themovingscrapbookof mychildhood aswewatchanotherroundof NickatNite. IteachhimallthewordstothePattyDukeShowthemesong duringabreakfromtheirsponsorsHead&Shoulders. InthePhilippines,dandruff wasalsoanembarrassment. Nicktellsmeof ashampoocommercialinEnglishandTagalog: Agirllosesinterestinherdancingpartner whenshenoticesthewhitepatchesonhiscollar andhuffsawayasonlythetrulyinsultedcan. Thefamousslogan:“CharlieBalakubak,excuseme!”  4 denise duhaMeL isaliveordead,whichissomethingIoftendo—wonder howmuchistrue—whenIreadapoembysomeoneIlike, whichIknowisnottherightwaytoreadapoemeventhough MollyPeacocksaidatherreadingthatsheisthe“I” inallof hersanddoesn’tusetheword“speaker”anymore. Still, IfeellikeaPeepingTom,althoughthisisreallyaboutwhatIcan’tsee, myblindspots,andhoweasyitisformetodoubtmydecisions, howIrelatetothefatherinLehman’spoemwho“won’tadmithisdread of boredom”andpanicsandforgives.Howeasyitistoliveforstretchesatatime inthatskinnydarkline,howeasyitistogetsomanythingsallwrong. Nick at Nite Whengrowingup,NickneversawTheBradyBunch. HewatchedEatBulagawithTito,Vic,andJoey, whichhelikenstoaFilipinoversionof TheThreeStooges. HeateSkyFlakescrackersinsteadof Ritz anddrankRoyalTrueOrangewithpulpbitsinsteadof Sunkist. Heremembersthebellssignalingtheafter-dinnerarrival of Magnoliaicecream–vendorspushingsilvercoolers, notdrivingtrucks.ItellhimaboutAppleJacks, thecerealthatturnedakid’smilkpink andthephenomenonof BananaQuik. ItrytoexplainMadge,thebrassybeauticianwhodipped herclients’handsinPalmoliveDishwashingLiquid betweenmanicures.Myhusbandendures themovingscrapbookof mychildhood aswewatchanotherroundof NickatNite. IteachhimallthewordstothePattyDukeShowthemesong duringabreakfromtheirsponsorsHead&Shoulders. InthePhilippines,dandruff wasalsoanembarrassment. Nicktellsmeof ashampoocommercialinEnglishandTagalog: Agirllosesinterestinherdancingpartner whenshenoticesthewhitepatchesonhiscollar andhuffsawayasonlythetrulyinsultedcan. Thefamousslogan:“CharlieBalakubak,excuseme!”  4 denise duhaMeL MyhusbandandIlaugh.Weare“EastMeetsWest” likeLaChoy,makersof “Orientalrecipestoserveathome.” Isinghim“Ayyayayyay...IamtheFritoBandito.” Nick,whoonlystartedspeakingEnglishatsix, translatestheoriginalSpanishlyrics.Thesong,hesays, isreallyaboutsingingwithouttears,notthevirtuesof cornchips. The Problem with Woody Allen (evenbeforeSoonYi) isthathebreaksupwithpeople likeMarielHemingway(inManhattan) andDianeKeaton(inAnnieHall) withoutsomuchasajokeabouthisscrawnybody, thoseparodyglasses,hissallowskin. MyfriendRhondasaid(aboutDeconstructingHarry), “ElisabethShueshouldgetanOscar formakingoutwithWoodyAllen andnotthrowingup!”Atleast Elisabethgetstodumphim,butstill— whydoesWoodyAllen’scharactercheat onJudyDavis?Iseewhathewastryingtodo inCelebrity,projectinghismalefantasies throughKennethBranagh,who’salittleeasier tolookat.ButwouldMelanieGriffithreallygive KennethBranagh/WoodyAllenablowjob? Iunderstandif shewantstogetapartinthemovie Celebrity,butshe’salreadyinit,playingafamousactress, andKennethBranaghissupposedtobe alowlyjournalist...