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Lugubrious Consider my friend Lugubrious, a man of sorrow and acquainted with all the right people until he accidentally swallowed his glass eye and began to see the world clearly for the first time through his asshole. Then he received his revelation and began to refer to himself in the third person. How could we have been expected to know he was the Empress of Virtual Reality. Out of the closet and into cyberspace! I now bear him witness while he levitates like a candle burning at both ends. He weeps for those with unlived lives, for those who shave their tongues until they sound like everybody else. He understands the abstract quality of grease. He praises the mad who live by the light of their own immaculate shadows. He knows what the fog is doing in the cleavage of young hills. He recognizes greed. He sees coyotes masturbating furiously on the runways of international airports. He condemns the spectators who gather in stadiums and scream for violence while their gibbous bellies jiggle. 50 He sells halos to those who can afford them and offers promissory notes to those waiting for the Second Coming. He hypnotizes chickens, saying, “Run, run, my little children. Soon the expedient stars will rain on your heads.” 51 ...

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