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£ I woke up, and my mother wasgone again. I went out to look for her, and I noticed there wasa light in Stroud s apartment. I sneaked up close to a window, and looking through a crack in the curtains, I sawthem sitting in the room with all the photos on the walls. My mother was crying. Stroud was sitting in the chair opposite her. I sawhis lips move, but I couldn't hear what hewas saying. I went around to the office entrance and tried the door. It opened, and I went in and moved quietlytoward the thin line of light that came through the slightly opened door connecting the office and Stroud s apartment. I put my ear to the opening, and I heard my mother say, "But it was. I know that now. It was all a mistake, the whole thing." "Whats that?" Stroud asked. "Everything." I put my eyeto the crack in the door, and I sawmy mother sitting with her face buried in her hands. Stroud sat back in his chair, legs crossed, and he was smoking a cigarette, which was unusual since he didn't usuallysmoke inside his apartment. "Even Lewis," she said. "I love him more than anything in the world, but he wasa mistake too." "Now, hold it right there," Stroud said. "You justhold it. That right there is the worst kind of foolishness, and you know it is. 139 I woke up, and my mother was gone again. I went out to look for her, and I noticed there was a light in Stroud's apartment. I sneaked up close to a window, and looking through a crack in the curtains, I saw them sitting in the room with all the photos on the walls. My mother was crying. Stroud was sitting in the chair opposite her. I saw his lips move, but I couldn't hear what he was saying. I went around to the office entrance and tried the door. It opened, and I went in and moved quietly toward the thin line oflight that came through the slightly opened door connecting the office and Stroud's apartment. I put my ear to the opening, and I heard my mother say, "But it was. I know that now. It was all a mistake, the whole thing." "What's that?" Stroud asked. "Everything." I put my eye to the crack in the door, and I saw my mother sitting with her face buried in her hands. Stroud sat back in his chair, legs crossed, and he was smoking a cigarette, which was unusual since he didn't usually smoke inside his apartment. "Even Lewis," she said. "I love him more than anything in the world, but he was a mistake too." "Now, hold it right there," Stroud said. "You just hold it. That right there is the worst kind offoolishness, and you know it is. I39 That boy ain't no mistake. He's your precious gift. I lost myboy, and I know. That boy aint no mistake. He's the best thing ever happened to you. Youknow that. I dont want to hear nothing about a mistake." My mother blew her nose on a tissue. "Oh, I know it, and I would die ifanything ever happened to him. And that's not just an expression, either—I don't think I would survive. I didn't mean he wasreallya mistake. He's my baby. But you don't know the whole story." Crouching in that dark room, looking through acrack in the door, I felt like I was in a movie theater and also in a movie. "I neverwanted to be anybody'swife," she said, "and I never wanted to be anybody's mother. I had just come back home for a little while after college. That's what I thought, anyhow. I was going to save some money and travel. I was going to see other parts of the world. I thought maybe I'd get married at some point, but I never wanted children. When I found out I was pregnant, I made an appointment to get rid of it, but Gary talked me out of doing that." Get rid of it. "You lucky he did," Stroud said. "Youknow that. Yougot a fine boy." "But I hate my life," my mother said. "I really do." I pulled away from the door as quietly as I could. I heard Stroud say,"No, you don't." I eased out...
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