When the Danube Ran Red

18 The Return of Horror

113 18 The Return of Horror Then came October 15. It was around noon, I remember, and I had just started to practice Bach’s c-minor prelude and fugue, trying to play the prelude staccato, or at least not legato, searching for ways to recreate the percussive sound of the harpsichord on the piano. Suddenly Iván flung open the door. Behind him I saw my father’s pale face and my mother’s clutched hands held up in the air. From the left, the Beers rushed into the room. Some neighbors appeared as well, some just coming through the door, others ringing the doorbell. The people of the ghetto house had heard that something was happening. Knowing that we had a functional radio, they gathered in our apartment. Some of them sat down in a chair, others on the floor. A few stood erect or leaned against the wall. There must have been twenty to twenty-five people in the room. Several of them were crying. On the radio, Horthy was speaking. A tense, mesmerized audience listened to his words, their eyes and mouths open. He announced the news: he was suing for peace. “It’s obvious to every thinking person that Germany has lost this war,” he declared. “Aware of my historical role, I must do everything to stop the ongoing destruction.” “God! But what will the Germans do now?” asked most people in the room of one another. They seemed to be shaken, overwhelmed by both fear and happiness. “If Hungary resists the Germans,” said Mr. Beer, “the Germans will bomb Budapest and kill everyone they regard as their enemy. Not When the Danube R an Red 114 to speak about us, the Jews! So it’s obvious that they will resume the deportations.” “Yes. But the Germans are not that powerful anymore,” said my father. He seemed truly optimistic now. “They are suffering from the certainty of their own defeat; and, in the end, they know they have but a short time left. On all fronts, they are losing, and the Allies are marching on, ready to wipe them out. There can be no doubt that the Germans are enormously concerned about their future. They are not going to squander their troops on us and on Horthy.” This sounded very logical, our visitors agreed. They did not yet know what I learned only much later: namely, that for the Germans and their Hungarian supporters, the war against the Jews was of primary concern, more important than the war they had started against the Allies, more important than their children’s future. In fact, these people would rather lose the war than give up murdering the Jews. Our guests stayed around for a while, talking about the details of Horthy’s speech; while most were happy and relieved, others saw the new developments as potentially catastrophic. Then the doorbell rang. It was Gyuri Faragó. I gazed at him incredulously , barely recognizing him. He had lost much weight since I had last seen him, perhaps a month or so before. He had been a slender man, but now he was skin and bone, his handsome face covered with a yellowish glaze, his intelligent, blue eyes tempered. “I fear,” he said, “that things might become difficult right now. I don’t think you should stay here. After all, you could hide in our apartment . In fact, I came to pick up Zsuzsi for a few days and anybody else who wants to join us. I don’t think it’s a very good idea to stay here. The backlash is on its way. The Nyilas will take over!” “I don’t want to go!” I objected. But my parents wanted me to leave, and Erzsi promised she would come soon after. They put on me a hat and coat, and before I knew it, I had left the house with Faragó. We did not talk: I was struggling not to cry, and he did not know what to say. The Return of Horror 115 Arrivingathisapartment,wesatdowninthepianoroom.Iregained my voice and wanted to talk about something other than what was happening . Starting to formulate ideas, I had heard from my father about the development of polyphony. I wanted to discuss Bach with him. But we did not. He could not pay any attention to me because his telephone rang every other second. Friends kept calling him, obviously...