Chained to the Desk (Third Edition): A Guidebook for Workaholics, Their Partners and Children, and the Clinicians Who Treat Them

12: Work-Life Balance and Workaholics Anonymous

213 12 Work-Life Balance and Workaholics Anonymous I fear the day that technology will surpass our human interaction. The world will have a generation of idiots. —Albert Einstein Bernadette I was the only daughter born to first-generation southern European immigrants . I grew up in a family that subscribed to the American dream of hard work, toil, and sacrifice. Both my parents were workaholics. I don’t remember my family relaxing in the living room and talking among ourselves except when guests came over. And that experience was hardly soothing because “La Bella Figura” (Italian for a way of living that projects good image, proper behavior, beauty, and aesthetics) kicked into high gear. As a child, I was recognized only when I excelled academically or musically or had some kind of social accomplishment. After launching my career as a mental health and international public health expert, my childhood template of workaholism took charge. I traveled to many foreign lands, working for humanitarian organizations, and worked as a university lecturer and international agency director. I stayed hours at the office long after my colleagues had gone. My around-the-clock working and my inability to transition from office to home caused problems in my marriage and in responding to my son’s needs. I began to investigate Twelve-Step recovery programs and eventually located a Workaholics Anonymous (WA) meeting in someone’s home in my area. The connection with others who had struggled with work addiction and 214 Work-Life Balance and Workaholics Anonymous had found tools to apply, share, and support was a comforting and anxietyreducing experience. I was inspired by members who shared their own stories of hope, strength, and faith. The Twelve-Step spiritual component launched me into a search to reexamine my own spirituality, since I had moved away from my childhood religion years before. My search took me on a journey of many years into Western and Eastern faiths and philosophies, which provided communities of people to share. Plus, it helped shape my reliance on a Higher Power and see the connections among all living beings and accept the unpredictability of life and the importance of a daily spiritual practice, including meditation. My relationships with my son and husband began to change, too. I continued to work the WA Twelve Steps, which gave me insights into the underlying problems of work addiction and the importance of putting supports in place. WA helped me set boundaries with work and make amends to my husband and son. I began to act more responsibly to meet their needs and demonstrate the importance of integrity and honesty. The job changes I made after beginning my WA recovery considered my child- care and relationship needs, and I reduced my full-time job to a half-day one. Nowadays when I leave the office, I realize there will be work to do the next day, and I set priorities. I don’t take on additional projects until critical aspects of current ones are completed. I am grateful for my life and the blessings of family, friends, and neighbors. And I seek to share those gifts with others and to keep a healthy balance in all that I do. Invasion of the Balance Snatchers Bernadette’s story illustrates how a childhood template of hard work and accomplishments can dictate your priorities in adulthood. This chapter is about identifying your balance snatchers—those external forces that insinuate themselves into your life, throwing it into turmoil. I will show you how you can work hard, be kind to and compassionate with yourself, keep a positive attitude, and maintain balance with the three Rs: relaxation, recreation, and relationships. In our technologically driven culture, there are more things to do as life moves faster. And as the line that once protected private hours gets erased, you might feel that your work-life balance is off. Although information technology and the workplace enable work addiction, they are no more to blame for it than the ABC store is to blame for alcoholism, or the grocery store for food addiction. Workaholics are often lonely wage earners who arrive at their desks before anyone else and are the last to leave. They prefer not to take time off, or if they do, they take their work along with them. Fun and laughter are frivolous wastes of time, and workaholics feel contempt for people who are humorous, carefree...