Still Jewish: A History of Women and Intermarriage in America

Afterword

217 Afterword Although scholarly and personal interest in the concept and practice of intermarriage generated a substantial volume of literature, much more work needs to be done in this field. Titles referring to the “stranger” abound, including Ellen Jaffee McClain’s Embracing the Stranger (1995), Gabrielle Glaser’s Strangers to the Tribe (1997), and Anne C. Rose‘s Beloved Strangers (2001). Yet, very little has been written about who the stranger is, what makes a person “strange,” and how that person experiences intermarriage. To truly understand Jewish-Gentile marriage, an examination of the Gentiles involved in Jewish intermarriages would seem important in order to draw a two-sided historical picture. If, in the words of the Australian poet Harold Stewart, one must embrace the stranger to find one’s true self, surely scholars need to devote attention and resources to discerning the views and experiences of the “Other.” One might begin by exploring the meaning of intermarriage to non-Jewish women who married Jewish men.1 Similarly historical inquiry into the intermarriage experiences of Gentile men is needed. Jim Keen, a Christian father raising Jewish children with his Jewish wife, offers some personal insights in his book Inside Intermarriage: A Christian Partner’s Perspective on Raising a Jewish Family (2006). Jewish foundations, of course, may not wish to spend limited funds on research about non-Jews, and the Christian denominations have thus far shown less interest in understanding Christian -Jewish intermarriage than Jewish organizations; hence the responsibility falls to independent scholars and academicians working on their own initiatives. In addition to the need for research on the intermarriage experiences of non-Jewish women, historical analyses of Jewish men who intermarried are scarce. Though brief reference is frequently made to Hollywood moguls who married non-Jewish women, studies are needed to explore what intermarriage meant to “ordinary” Jewish men who married “out”? How did intermarriage influence their ethno-religious identities, and what roles 218 Afterword did Jewish men play in shaping their families’ spiritual lives? Whether one studies women or men, using gender as a category of analysis is critical to advancing knowledge about intermarriage in America. It is telling that the majority of households that volunteered to participate in a multiyear, longitudinal study of intermarriage conducted by researchers at the Center for Judaic Studies and Contemporary Jewish Life at the University of Connecticut were Jewish females rather than males.2 Researchers must ask what it is about the relationship between the sexes and Jewish identity that encourages more Jewish women to participate and more men to abstain . And how does this gender imbalance influence the findings? Finally, among other topics one might pursue is a comparative analysis of the advice literature generated over the years on the issue of intermarriage . Given the scope of this book, I call attention to only a handful of guides published earlier in the twentieth century. From the 1980s on, a plethora of new advice books appeared: Mixed Blessings (1987); Happily Intermarried (1988); 122 Clues for Jews Whose Children Intermarry (1988); The Intermarriage Handbook (1988); Celebrating Our Differences (1994); Mixed Matches (1995); Celebrating Interfaith Marriages (1999); Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner (2000); What to Do When You’re Dating a Jew (2000); The Guide to Jewish Interfaith Family Life (2001); The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Interfaith Relationships (2001); and Making a Successful Jewish Interfaith Marriage (2003). The titles alone suggest that the language of intermarriage has changed significantly and beckons interested students to dig deeper. May all those who believe, as I do, that there is more to learn about the relationship between gender and intermarriage roll up their sleeves and get to work. ...