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| 83 7 Melissa and Steven Losing Innocence Facts of the case: When Melissa was seventeen, she told her mother that her father had molested her from the age of ten until she was fifteen years old. When her father was confronted, he confessed and was ultimately arrested. He was given a prison sentence of seventeen years, which he began serving in 1999. When Melissa was twenty-two years old, she sought out the VVH program, making her the youngest victim to participate in a dialogue. I had access to Melissa and Steven’s case files and the letters they exchanged. I interviewed both Melissa and Steven, though initially Melissa was reluctant to agree to participate. Melissa gave her full consent to be interviewed after she learned her father wanted to participate in this project. She felt strongly that he should not have the final word. I respected Melissa’s request that I not view the videotape of her dialogue with Steven. I relied on my interviews with Melissa and Steven about the dialogue as well as Kim’s impressions of it. I have also corresponded or talked with both of them since the dialogue for updates on their lives. Melissa’s parents divorced when she was just two years old, then rekindled their relationship and remarried when she was ten. Though Melissa’s father was a stranger to her, Melissa was incredibly excited to finally have a father, and she remembers some early times when the family shared fun and laughter , taking family trips to Six Flags, Busch Gardens, and Hershey Park. However , Steven quickly began to rule the household with an iron fist, becoming verbally and physically abusive and controlling of Melissa, her brother, and her mother. The kindness and fun disappeared from the household unless her friends were over. Melissa recalls that Steven treated outsiders “as if they were gold” but was verbally and physically abusive and controlling of family members. These dynamics are consistent with many people’s motivations to pretend to outsiders that “all is well” in their homes. With his family, Steve 84 | Melissa and Steven orchestrated a pleasant and normal front that hid the physical and sexual abuse inside the privacy of the home. Although Steven only used physical violence to punish Melissa occasionally, these bursts of violence directed at Melissa were enough to scare her and remind her of his power. Most of the physical punishments happened when they were alone; the rest of the family did not witness the acts. Melissa feels that her brother escaped such violence because Steven knew he would have fought back. Steven’s controlling behavior and bad temper flavored every aspect of Melissa’s life. For instance, when she was in the sixth grade, he purchased a small notebook in which he wrote all the rules she was to follow. He attached the notebook to a string and forced her to wear it around her neck for a month, even to school. Melissa was mortified, but despite her embarrassment , she did not dare to take it off because Steven said he would come to her school unannounced to ensure that she was wearing it and that it was visible. He also forced Melissa to shower daily at 5:30 p.m. and often watched her in the shower. To make this seem more normal, he told her that he believed that most adult women shave their legs “incorrectly,” so he taught Melissa to shave her legs “the right way” and inspected her efforts. Melissa says Steven molested her for five years (there is some discrepancy between Steven’s and Melissa’s accounts; Steven claims the abuse lasted less than two years).1 The abuse included instances of oral sex, fondling, and masturbation . Steven tried to normalize the incest by telling Melissa it was totally appropriate for such intimacy to occur between a father and a daughter. For instance, he told her that he talked with other adults who said it was natural for a man to take a shower with his daughter. Steven also explained to Melissa that if a man got excited and did not have sex, he would be in pain. Like any dutiful daughter—particularly one controlled by fear and physical punishments—Melissa felt sorry for her father and did not want him to be hurt.2 During these years, Melissa’s mother was emotionally absent and struggling with her own mental and emotional health issues. Although Melissa was unaware of it at the...

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