Strange Love

Strange Love

· 139 Strange Love THE FIRST TIME I SEE HAL, he is approaching from the distance, walking north along the shoreline as I am walking south.It’s the first week of October,and the weather has turned chilly.Dusk is just beginning to soften the blue sky and,except for us, the beach is deserted. Could I take him out? I wonder. I mean beat him up, not date him. Over a year has passed since I was flashed on a beach several miles north of here,and nearly a decade has passed since a friend of a friend was raped on this very beach,one October;still,with a needling of dread,I realize that it’s getting dark and I’ve left my pepper spray in my car. As the man gradually draws nearer, I size him up. He is tall and, although slender, wide-shouldered. I regret that I am only five feet four. Well, I’ll look invulnerable. Tough. Not-tobe -messed-with. 140 · Lisa Lenzo He is wearing a navy-blue baseball cap and a long-sleeved windbreaker. His jeans are rolled up, and, to my surprise, he is barefoot and walking with his feet in the cold water. As he draws closer, I relax a little, and when we are near enough to speak, he says hi. I answer hello. As he passes by me I realize that all my fear has evaporated. When I reach my usual place to stop—a big, flat, pink quartzrockwithseveralthick,creamystripes—Igazeoutatthe rows of breaking waves.I often gaze at the lake’s vast,shifting surface to help me sort through my thoughts, but now I take it in only briefly, admiring its beauty and power. Then I turn and begin walking back up the beach.The man also has turned around, somewhere to the north. This time as we approach each other, I feel an urge to speak; seeing him warmly dressed but wading in the cold water, I want to tell him that I went swimming just a few days ago. I swam out into Lake Michigan almost daily all summer, not stopping at the second sandbar but stroking farther and farther outward, until the lake lay all around me in a wide, welcoming circle. I swam out for exercise and for my love of the lake and for the feel of the water, and because this lake is where my first baby’s ashes were scattered,but this summer I swam out farther and more often than usual because it helped to release my anger at Richard’s desertion.I didn’t think about Mitch, my daughter’s awful ex-boyfriend; when I heard that Mitch had taken off for Texas, I pretty much put him out of my mind. I was not able to so easily erase Richard, who was still in the vicinity, but the farther out I swam, it seemed, the farther I left him behind. The lake dwarfed Richard and his puny though painful actions. The lake reminded me that the world was beautiful and large. 141 · STRANGE LOVE Autumn’s cooler weather put an end to these swims, but three days ago the air turned unseasonably warm,and I braved the cold water one last time.While swimming out on my back, looking up at the sky,three gulls flew over me with their beaks opened, crying down at me, the sky beyond them a deep, blue dome. Afterward, I had to blast my car’s heater to drive the chill from my bones, but I’m still feeling pleased with my last, late-season swim,and I want to boast about it to this stranger who is gradually wading toward me. Whenwearewithinspeakingdistance,Igestureathisfeet and say, “You’re not going to be able to do that much longer.” He slows his steps and says,“The water is actually warmer than the air right now.” “I went swimming on Monday,” I brag, smiling as I pass him by. He answers, “I went swimming today.” I stop short and face him. “Today?” “In a wet suit,” he explains. My heart leaps at this new possibility—extra days in the lake that I might gain. “I never thought of using a wet suit to extend the season.” “Iuseitforsnorkeling,too,”themansays,smiling,nodding his head as if he is agreeing with himself. “I went snorkeling today.” “Really? You snorkel out there...