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19. Lab School
- Wayne State University Press
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19 THE LAB SCHOOL Iwalk three blocks, take the streetcar going east toward Lake Michigan, get off and walk north from 63rd Street to 59th Street, crossing a big open park area known as the "midway." From the first day I love the "school" part of the Lab School, also known as U-High. Teachers teach and in this school the thinking, learning life exists. For the next two years I'll love Mr. Edgett's social science class. He suggests that wars and social upheavals may have a historical (if not rational) explanation. I need to find an intellectually manageable idea to think about what has happened to me and my world in Europe. Passionate questions and convictions have their only outlet in his class. He requires us to outline the entire history book we use following each day's assignment. This awful task teaches me skills I won't appreciate until years later. He also is the ugliest man I've ever seen. This doesn't stop me having sexual fantasies about him. One morning he mentions in class that I'm to come with him to the principal's office. I try to think what I've done wrong. Scared, I come to the office to find out that a paper I wrote is the object of this visit. Mr. Edgett shows it to the principal, remarks on my recent acquaintance with English, and praises style and content. Now I glow a little inside. But I don't like that I automatically think I've done something wrong, I automatically think I'm in trouble. In English class the teacher has the flexibility to assign me an alternate task after I shyly tell her I can't write an autobiography. When I started to write I began to cry and was afraid I'd never be able to stop. I was so frightened and upset that Mama noticed and asked, "What's wrong?" Instead I can write a sketch about one of the "Y" friends. But 155 CHAPTER 19 when I give a book report about Pearl Buck's The Good Earth, I have no trouble explaining to the classmates the terrible poverty, famine, and being used as a slave. In Latin class my teacher gives me help after school. I have trouble with verb conjugations. What are verb tenses? She explains about past, present, and future. I look at her blankly, not understanding. She explains some more and then I recognize in her face a look of total, "I give up." She tells me I'll just catch on as the lessons continue. I know nothing of past, present, or future time in English or Dutch, let alone Latin. Neither she nor I understand that the conjunction of an intellectual construct with an individual meaning about "time" prevents my learning. A sense of time is not a useable, knowable organizer within my head. In Latin class I suddenly think, "Would I know who I am if I didn 't speak a language? What if I'd been left in the Russian zone and now spoke German? What would I be like if I'd been left there? Who am I? Who am I if being me is such a chancy thing?" After class I ask a question about this but there is no answer from the Latin teacher. The social part of U-High is fascinating and puzzling. It's not bad, it's just that I miss understanding much of what goes on around me. I'm aware of the easy acceptance and offers of friendship from the girls in the "central" group. Friendship just happens. I don't have to do anything. And I don't do what the other girls do. I don't wear lipstick because I think it's revolting. I only have a few clothes that I make sure I wash and iron. I have one pair of shoes. I bet a girl that at the end of the year my shoes will still look new. I know I'll win the bet because I polish my shoes and I've noticed that the American girls don't take care of their shoes so they look worn very quickly. I travel home on two streetcars with one friend who lives high up in a very large apartment building on Michigan Avenue. A maid opens the door, and when we have a snack I know for sure my friend lives in...