Other Things Being Equal

Chapter XX

CHAPTER XX E DO not live wholly through ourselves. What is called fate is but the outcome of the spinning of other individuals twisted into the woof of our own making; so no life may be judged as a unit. Ruth Levice was not alone in the world; she was neither a recluse nor a genius, but a girl with many loving friends and a genial home life. Having resolved to bear to the world an unchanged front, she outwardly did as she had always done. Her mother's zealous worldliness returned with her health, and Ruth fell in with all her plans for a gay winter—that is, the plans were gay; Ruth's presence could hardly be termed so. The old spontaneous laugh was superseded by a gentle smile, sympathetic perhaps, but never joyous. She listened more, and seldom now took the lead in general conversation, though there was a fascination about a tete-a-tete with her which earnest persons, men and women, felt without being able to define. For the change, without doubt, was there. It was as if a quiet hand had been passed over her exuberant, happy girlhood and had left a serious, thoughtful woman in its stead. A subtle change like this is not speedily noticed by outsiders; it requires usage before an acquaintance will account it a characteristic instead of a mood. But her family knew it. Mrs. Levice, wholly in the dark as to the cause, wondered openly. "You might be thirty, Ruth, instead of twenty-two, by the seriousness of your manner. While other girls are laughing and chatting as girls should, you look on with the tolerant pensiveness of a woman of grave concerns. If you had anything to trouble you, there might be some excuse, but as it is, why can't you enter into enjoyments like the rest of your friends?" 2 I O OTHER THINQS BEINQ EQUAL 211 "Don't I? Why, I hardly know another girl who lives in such constant gayety as L Aren't we going to a dinner this evening and to the ball tomorrow night?" "Yes* But you might as well be going to a funeral for all the pleasure you seem to anticipate* If you come to a ball with such a grandly serious air, the men will just as soon think of asking a statue to dance as you. A statue may be beautiful in its niche, but people don't care to study its meaning at a balL" "What do you want me to do, mamma? I should hate the distinction of a wall-flower as much as anyone. I'm afraid I'm too big a woman to be kittenish." "You never were that, but you were at least a girl. People will begin to think you consider yourself above them, or else that you have some secret sorrow." The smile of incredulity with which she answered her mother would have been heart-breaking had it been understood. No flush stained the ivory pallor of her face at these thrusts in the dark—Louis was never aesthetically annoyed by that propensity now. Her old-time excited contradictions no longer obtruded themselves into their conversations. A silent knowledge lay between them which neither, by word or look, ever alluded to. Mrs. Levice noted with delight their changed relations. Louis's sarcasms ceased to be directed at Ruth, and though the familiar sparring was missing, her mother preferred his deferential bearing when he addressed her, and Ruth's grave gentleness with him. She drew her own conclusions, and accepted Ruth's quietude with more patience with this hope at heart. Louis understood somewhat, and in his manliness he could not hide that her suffering had cost him a new tenderness of attitude. But he could not understand as her father did. Despite her brave smile, Levice could almost read her heart-beats, and the knowledge brought a hardness and a bitter regret. He grew to scanning her face surreptitiously, looking in vain for the old, untroubled delight in things; and when the unmistakable signs of secret anguish would leave traces at times, he would turn away with a groan. Yet there was nothing to be done. He knew that her love had been no light thing, nor could her giving up be so; 212 OTHER THINQS BEINQ EQUAL but feeling that, no matter what the present cost...