Queering Marriage: Challenging Family Formation in the United States

8. Conclusion

150 Q The San Francisco weddings were a sight to behold. Happy couples lined up in inclement weather, wearing trash bags from generous supporters to keep their clothes dry; passing cars honked their horns loudly; cheers erupted and bubbles floated through the air as samesex couples exited city hall, registered marriage license in hand. Nothing quite like this had ever happened before. As person after person I interviewed recounted their wedding, the joy of those experiences was palpable. They showed me photos and news clippings, presented me with copies of their marriage certificates, and shared intimate emotions with me in their interviews. I was transfixed by the excitement and happiness of those events as they unfolded and even more so as I interviewed men and women who married. Listening to their interviews years later and retelling their stories is a pleasure. Many of the women and men I spoke with articulated their hope that the San Francisco events would be the start of something big, but none anticipated that so much change around marriage equality would happen in such a short period of time. By February 2013, nine years after the San Francisco weddings, nine states and the District of Columbia offered marriage licenses to same-sex couples. And that number is predicted to continue to grow. What was initially a far-off idea has gained mainstream traction. The San Francisco weddings presaged a new national focus on marriage equality, in which lesbian and gay couples began to make meaning of marriage, seeking to understand not only the institution but their experience of it as well. c h a p t e r 8 CONCLUSION Conclusion 151 Asthecampaignforsame-sexmarriagehasunfolded,inpoliticsand in popular culture, we can find echoes of the themes initially sounded in the 2004 San Francisco marriages. For one, the social movement for same-sex marriage is not comprised of gays and lesbians alone. Just as the San Francisco events depended on the supportive labor of allies in the straight community, from city hall workers to Mayor Gavin Newsom, heterosexual champions have been instrumental in marriage equality victories. In 2011, in New York state, for instance, newly elected—and heterosexual—governor Andrew Cuomo made marriage equality a primary goal of his early months in office. Less than two years earlier, the legislature had definitively voted against a measure that would have legalized same-sex marriage in New York, and the prospect of a different outcome under Cuomo was uncertain . Undeterred, Governor Cuomo lobbied heavily for the marriage equality act. on June 24, 2011, the New York state legislature passed the same-sex marriage bill. Cuomo signed it into law that very day. Governor Cuomo was not the only straight, elected official in New York to vociferously endorse same-sex marriage. New York City mayor Michael Bloomberg also lent his support to the issue.Although Bloomberg had no direct voting rights on the issue before the state legislature, he spoke publicly in favor of the measure, both from a personal standpoint and as mayor. Bloomberg described the marriage equality cause as an issue of fairness, saying he was tired of explaining to gay and lesbian friends why they were not permitted to marry. He likened marriage equality to civil rights, women’s rights, and workers’ rights and asserted that excluding same-sex couples from marriage amounted to unjustified inequality. In identifying marriage as a question of fairness, Bloomberg acknowledged the unequal treatment of lesbian and gay couples and implicitly cited the existence of heterosexual privilege. For respondents like Tim and Keith, incensed at the invisibility they felt when they had to claim “single” status on their tax returns despite nearly two decades together, this was a big victory. Tim and Keith would likely have been pleased to hear a public official recognize that they are discriminated against by being denied access to legal marriage. This sort of public acknowledgement of heterosexual privilege can make significant inroads in dismantling discrimination against lesbian and gay couples. 152 Queering Marriage Bloomberg’s explanation of his support for marriage equality coupled this framing with another idea some respondents’ offered: the assertion that same-sex couples are just like different-sex couples. Same-sex couples, he asserted, should be allowed to enter into a contract with each other just as different-sex couples are—and that contract is marriage. As respondents Pierre and Addy separately insisted, marriage is about love, and gay couples...