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24 2 The Many Faces of Domestic Violence in the South Asian American Muslim Community RUKSANA AYYUB Since September , , Muslims have been thrust into the limelight in America. There is a great deal of interest in trying to understand the Muslim psyche. Muslims themselves feel scrutinized and under siege. Fear and suspicions are easily raised on both sides. In such an atmosphere, while Muslim religious and community leaders continue to point out the message of peace in Islam, others try to cover up and hide internal problems. In order to distance us from terrorism and violence in the world, many have started denying the violence that exists in our homes. As our outside world became an unsafe place, the worst affected were the victims of domestic violence, for it became even more difficult for them to speak out and seek help. The Muslim immigrants from South Asia bring with them very strong cultural and religious beliefs. Islam plays an important and positive role in the lives of South Asian Muslim immigrants. Numerous Islamic Centers have been established in America, which act as religious and community centers to meet the community ’s needs (Haddad ). However, one subgroup of the Muslim population whose needs have not yet been adequately met is the victim of domestic violence, a subgroup that is overwhelmingly women. Most South Asians prefer to see themselves as a model minority devoid of any problems like domestic violence (Bhattacharjee ; Dasgupta a). To them, domestic violence is a problem of the modern Western woman. Nevertheless, a survey I conducted in the immigrant South Asian population indicated that one in four women experienced domestic violence in their homes (Ayyub ). Despite strong denials within the South Asian community, if  percent of women reported violence in their homes, one might surmise that the actual number was even higher. Generally, Muslim women faced with domestic violence turn to their religion and families for help and support. The religion, culture, and families expect them to fit certain prescribed roles of wife, daughter, and mother. For those women who bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbb Ch002.qxd 11/3/06 4:59 PM Page 24 fit the prescribed role, the system offers certain benefits like status and respect. Women as mothers are elevated in Islam and given even more importance than the father; heaven is said to lie under their feet. As daughters, women are cherished as temporary guests in their parents’ home. In the role of the obedient wife, they are idealized as the honor of the family and promised heaven after death. However, for a woman faced with domestic violence and needing help to leave an abusive marriage, the system offers strong resistance. This chapter highlights some of the obstacles south Asian Muslim women face from their religion, culture, and families in ameliorating domestic violence. I write this article as an insider, a psychotherapist, who is concerned not only with the aftermath of ⁄ but also with violence against women in the South Asian Muslim community. This essay is based on my work as a member of a committee for the prevention of domestic violence in the Muslim community and a native informant, drawing from my personal experiences of South Asian Muslim cultures. I grew up in Pakistan, hearing stories of my grandmother’s marriage at the age twelve to my grandfather, who was forty and taking on a third wife with the full support and acceptance of my grandma’s family. I witnessed my aunt being blamed for the beatings she got at the hands of her husband. I saw friends being forced into marriages. In America, I continue to see female friends from South Asia living comfortable lives on the surface and experiencing violence in their homes. On a personal level, I wonder about the silent violence in my own life. I have become acutely aware of the controls hidden in the gentle reminders and the delicate nudges that were used to tame the independent spirit in me into something deemed more culturally appropriate. The Role of Religion in Community Life Fourteen hundred years ago, Islam was revealed to Prophet Muhammad in Mecca, Saudi Arabia (Siddique ). The first person with whom he shared about his revelation was his wife, Hazrat Khadija, thus indicating the high esteem in which he held her opinion. Khadija herself was the first woman to embrace Islam, indicating her own firm belief in the truth told by her husband. Khadija was also a successful businesswoman. She had been impressed by Prophet Mohammad’s...

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