Earning More and Getting Less

Chapter 1: Higher-Earning Wives: Swimming against the Tide

Chapter 1 Higher-Earning Wives Swimming against the Tide Women who make more money than their husbands are a hot topic. They have commanded quite a bit of interest in the national media in the last several years.Articles have appeared in the New York Times, the Boston Globe, Jet, More, and Newsweek, with such eyecatching headlines as “When the Big Paycheck Is Hers” (Spragins 2002b) and “Why a Wife’s Earnings Can Strain a Marriage” (1999).These articles tap into their audience’s natural curiosity about these unusual couples , playing on both the novelty of the situation and a sense of unease about women who are more successful than their husbands. Stories about higher-earning wives grab the reader’s attention because they fly in the face of cultural assumptions that men should be the major breadwinners in their families.Though married women have long been part of the labor force (especially working-class and poor women) and have contributed important assets to their families,they have been largely seen as secondary earners. Providing economically for the family is a masculine imperative—the central responsibility of manhood.These articles imply that, while women’s “helping out” is now normal, taking over the job of providing is not. The assumption that men will be the (major) providers in their families runs so deep that families with higher-earning wives seem not only abnormal but also almost dysfunctional.This is what makes their stories so compelling. Readers want to know: How can he stand the blow to his ego? How can a wife still respect a man who earns less? And what do they tell their family and friends? Her earnings could easily become a dirty little secret, or a burden that they both must try to bear (Hochschild 1989; Pyke 1994).The situation is assumed to be stressful, and the implication is clear:When a wife earns more, the relationship is likely to suffer. 1 However, the reality of these marriages is more complex. Some of the couples profiled in these articles seem to escape the presumed peril of having or being a higher-earning wife.Younger couples, as well as those who hold less traditional expectations regarding the proper roles of men and women, seem quite comfortable with this arrangement. These are often dual-professional couples, with both spouses working in their chosen fields and possibly quite successful; the wife just happens to earn more. In a smaller number of cases, couples consciously agree that the wife should concentrate her efforts at work while the husband gives up paid employment altogether to stay home with the children. Often they make this decision because her earning potential is higher and it is important to them that one partner be available for the children (rather than relying on day care). In other cases, the wife wants to give her partner the opportunity to try an unconventional line of work that is less financially secure or stable. Under these circumstances , couples with higher-earning wives are basically content (Tyre and McGinn 2003). However, the stories of most of the couples in these articles paint a far less harmonious and satisfying picture, and their experiences underscore the fears conveyed in the headlines.This is because most couples are thrown unexpectedly into a situation in which the wife earns more. In many of these cases, the husbands have been victims of the economic downturn of the last decade and have experienced a sudden job loss. Consequently, their wives have been thrust into the role of major earner. While occupational instability has been common for men among poor and working-class families, it is a new experience for middle- to uppermiddle -class families who have seen husbands “downsized” out of significant paychecks, and these couples struggle to cope with this major shift in their relationships. Wives in these circumstances are described as disappointed,resentful, anxious, and even angry.They feel intense pressure to continue to provide and are frustrated that their husbands are not “pulling their weight” financially.Wives are also embarrassed to be the major earners. One such wife is quoted as saying,“I make more money and he has no trouble with that, but would you please not mention it?” (Grant 2002). Others ask to have their names changed for or withheld from the articles, to avoid having others know that they outearn their spouses. 2 E a r n i n g M o r e a n d G e t...