Earning More and Getting Less

Chapter 6: Negotiating Identity and Power

Chapter 6 Negotiating Identity and Power The three previous chapters, which examined the straightforward bargain implied by the conventional marital contract, show that higher-earning wives are unable to get the same deal for their incomes that men have historically enjoyed.That is,their money does not buy them substantial relief from domestic labor or greater control over the family finances or other decisions. Instead of using income earned to determine the balance of power, spouses interact in ways that reproduce men’s privilege and dominance in marriage. This chapter takes a closer look at these interactions, as well as at how attempts to construct appropriate gender identities are linked to the power dynamics in these marriages. Maintaining Gender Boundaries: Mothers and Breadwinners To think about gender is to focus on difference. For example,Western culture takes essentially similar human forms (male and female) and produces differently gendered bodies through various grooming practices (haircuts, shaving, and makeup) and styles of dress. These physical markers become gender boundaries—ways to distinguish between men and women and to construct them as substantially different from each other (Connell 1987). There are,of course,innumerable other ways in which we mark men and women as different from each other. Many jobs are still typed by gender, with the vast majority of secretaries and nurses being women, and the vast majority of elected officials (particularly at the national level) being men. Men and women also confront different cultural expectations for behavior; for example, it is still more acceptable for a woman than for a man to cry in public. Maintaining these gender boundaries allows us to 118 see women as “better suited” for particular kinds of jobs, or more “naturally ” emotional than men. The nature of gender boundaries may vary across social contexts, but by maintaining such rigid distinctions and expectations for each gender, men and women are constructed as essentially different from each other. Within marriage, the most salient gender boundaries are the gendered identities of mother/homemaker and breadwinner (Potuchek 1997).As we have seen, these boundaries prescribe appropriate activities for men and women. However, they also form the basis for constructing appropriate gender identities.To be a success as a married woman is to be a good wife and mother, providing a clean, orderly home and caring lovingly for other family members.To be a real man is to provide well for one’s family by being the sole (or at least major) earner.Whatever else a man or woman might decide to do, the pull of these conventional identities remains strong (Williams 2000). While this pull toward the conventional is largely felt at the individual level, maintaining these gender boundaries is also a team effort. Individuals want to feel that they are behaving as they should, but they also seem more comfortable when their partners more or less conform to conventional expectations (Vannoy-Hiller and Philliber 1989). That is, spouses tend to hold both themselves and each other accountable to meeting the behavioral requirements implied by the identities of mother and breadwinner. These boundaries appear to be meaningful even to men and women in unconventional circumstances.For example,Atkinson and Boles (1984) examined married couples in which wives have the more important job or career. Husbands in these relationships take on substantial responsibility at home, and work and family life are largely organized around the wife’s job or career.These women’s resources seem to bring them a more equitable trade at home than other employed wives have, but there are tensions in these relationships.Wives report feeling guilty that they are not more engaged in domestic endeavors, and they worry that they are not doing enough to take care of their husbands and their children.To compensate for outshining their husbands occupationally and contributing less at home, these wives emphasize the “traditional female role” and often deliberately cater to their husbands—to prove that they are still real women and good wives. Negotiating Identity and Power 119 Christopher Carrington’s (1999) work on the division of domestic labor in lesbian and gay households demonstrates that these conventional gender boundaries are also meaningful to same-sex couples. Gendered beliefs that women are supposed to be interested and engaged in domestic issues/labor (and men are not) affect such couples,who work together to ensure that both partners at least appear to meet them. Lesbians with partners who are...