Tales from Kentucky Lawyers

10. Unexpected Responses

10 UNEXPECTED RESPONSES Skilled trial lawyers are particularly adept at examining witnesses on the stand in an effort to uncover the truth. Unexpected responses to their questions can make the task enormously difficult and occasionally very humorous. As the first story in this category reveals, judges also sometimes receive funny responses to their questions. 134. "SHERIFF'S RESPONSE TO THE JUDGE" My cousin Wendell WIlson is a great big fellow, about six foot six, good looking, has a big smile, and a wonderful personality. During his first race for political office, he made a door-to-door campaign. He'd never been in the courtroom. He was elected sheriffand won by quite a landslide against a very powerful political family at that time-the Gaskins family. The first time Wendell was in court, he demonstrated to me his innate intelligence, although he had no experience. We had this young fellow up in court who had been convicted of a minor theft crime and was sentenced to the penitentiary for felony. And the judge, Kenton Cooper , had a habit at that time of asking all the officers of the court what their recommendation was in reference to probation.... He'd always ask the arresting officer what he recommended. So he asked the sheriff, who was the officer that arrested the young fellow, what he recommended. The sheriff said, "Well, sir, I'm new at this job, so my position is I think it's my job to fetch them in here to you, and you do as you please with them." The courtroom was full of people, and they all laughed. Robert L. Wilson, Jamestown, April 19, 2002 UNEXPECTED RESPONSES 109 135. "HUMOROUS RESPONSE TO JUDGE'S QUESTION" I had this inmate down here at the Kentucky State Penitentiary in Eddyville and was arraigning him. He was entering a guilty plea. When a person enters a guilty plea, I advise them of their rights; ask them if they are under the influence of any alcohol; if they have ever suffered from any mental disease or defect; or do they now suffer from any mental disease or defect. Is anything impairing their judgment this morning because of consumption of alcoholic beverage, homemade brew, or anything like that? That always brings a smile to their face. I had one inmate down at the penitentiary one day, I asked him, "Sir, did you ever suffer from mental disease or defect?" He said, "Well, I was in the mental institution once, but I didn't suffer." I sure got a kick out of that, and do at other times, depending on the way they respond-the way they say things. Bill Cunningham, Eddyville, January 21, 2002 136. "REALLY, WHO Is AJUDGE?" We had an elderly judge in district court here several years ago, and this woman went to court and took her five-year-old kid into court with her. The judge was sitting up on the bench, and he had on his robe. The little kid walked in and looked way up there at the judge sitting on the bench, and he asked his mother, "Mama, is that God?" She said, "No, but he thinks he is." Ken S. Dean, Madisonville, April 15, 2002 137. "PASSING DRUG TEST" I represented the mother in a custody case I had. This mom and dad were fighting over the custody of a seventeen-year-old. The other attorney is questioning my client, and he tells her he has requested drug testing from the commissioner. He said, "Now, if the commissioner recommends that all the parties be drug tested, do you have a problem with that?" My client looks at him and says, "Well, I can't pass a drug test." I just about fell out ofmy chair! I thought she was getting ready to tell something I hadn't heard about. But she went on, telling that she 110 Tales from Kentucky Lawyers was on some medication that made her think that she wouldn't pass a drug test. Melanie A. Rolley, Madisonville, April 15, 2002 138. "HUMOROUS COURTROOM RESPONSES" When I first started law practice, I was in a divorce hearing involving a case for maintenance. I was representing the husband. The other attorney was seeking maintenance for his client. After their separation, my client had moved in with another woman, so the other attorney was trying to show that they were living together...