Tales from Kentucky Lawyers

6. Adultery

6 ADULTERY Kentucky residents have a double standard on sexual conduct and other forms of behavior. Many persons think it is perfectly all right for two adults to have sex with one another without the benefit of clergy. Most states, including Kentucky, have eliminated adultery and fornication as crimes. For example, ifa married man and a married woman not married to each other are caught having sexual intercourse in a parking lot, they may be charged with disorderly conduct, but they cannot be charged with any form ofadultery. Thus, adultery never comes to court anymore. The stories in this category imply, or testify to, the act of adultery. However, the person(s) involved, if brought to court, were there on another charge. Thus, some of the following stories are rather humorous when sexual activity is brought into focus. 65. "HE'S My MAN" I had a lady appear before me in court in Clinton County awhile back. She wasn't used to coming to court. I don't guess she'd ever been to court. She was around thirty years old, very muscularly built; had great big broad shoulders-a big woman. She was charged with criminal mischief , specifically for breaking down a door in an apartment house. The courtroom was full. She came up before me before I called her name. I said, "You are charged with criminal mischief for breaking the door down at this apartment house. How do you plead?" She said, "I'm going to plead guilty, Judge. I done it. I broke that door down, but I've already paid for the damages, so I'll just plead guilty." ADULTERY 51 I said, "Well, before I pass sentence on you, I want to know why you broke it down." She said, "Judge, that old bitch had my man in there, and I went in after him." And I said, "Well, did you get him?" She said, "I shore did, and I'm going to keep him, because he's my man!" I said, "Well, lady, I'm going to dismiss your case. Go on home and take care of that man." She didn't hit the other woman. As far as I know, she just went in and got her man. She got him by the hair of the head and dragged him out of there. I guess she took care of him well after that, as I never saw them in court anymore. Robert L. Wilson, Jamestown, April 19, 2002 66. "MOTHER'S SON WAS A WOODS COLT" I had another moonshine case underJudge Ford just after we'd had the one about the blind deputy. The revenue agents were chasing this moonshiner , a fellow who wasn't too bright. But they caught him and brought him in. His mother got up and testified. She was testifying that this wasn't his moonshine still; he was just up there. She said, "He's just a woods colt [the progeny of unwed parents]." Judge Ford raised up in his seat, said, "What did you say, woman?" "I said he's a woods colt." Judge Ford said, "Well, tell me what a woods colt is." By that time the whole courtroom in Breathitt County knew what a woods colt was. They were breaking up! Then she told him, said, "He's the one that was born out in the bushes out there, and no daddy." Judge Ford really didn't know what she meant by "woods colt." I got the laugh on Judge Ford for that. B. Robert Stivers, Manchester, July 19, 2001 67. "THE IRON ROD STORY" I had a food stamp case one time. We call it the Iron Rod Case. This poor fellow came to me who was depressed and considering suicide. He was a pretty simple fellow. He was from another county, but he 52 Tales from Kentucky Lawyers wanted to talk to somebody about his sad condition in life. I think he had been in jail and had tried to kill himself. They asked me to talk with him. I asked him, "Son, what's your problem?" He said, "My life is all messed up. I've slept with this other woman, and I'm married and just having these problems." He pulled some letters out of his pocket, said, "Here, look at this." So I took this handwritten letter. It wasn't very good handwriting. It was a...