Tales from Kentucky Lawyers

5. Ugly Words in Court

s UGLY WORDS IN COURT Ugly words are taboo in the courtroom, and are thus rarely used there by attorneys and judges. However, some bad words and off-color stories are said to be in vogue in the chamber, which is where judge and lawyers gather in the courthouse. Edward Jackson of Beattyville states that if someone uses an ugly word in an average testimony in court, the judge will tell them that ifthey know better words to use, then use them. But ifthey don't, then go ahead and use the word(s) they just uttered. Ifa fellow says, "I saw him f--ing that girl," the judge might say, "Well, if you are talking about sexual intercourse, then say it that way." In the following stories, both women and men, including a judge and lawyer, use dirty words. In two instances, the dirty words were written and not verbalized. 56. "DIRTY, GRAPHIC WORDING ON MONETARY CHECK" I was sitting on the bench one day in Williamstown, over in Grant County. The clerk came in with tears in her eyes. She was really mad. I asked her, "What's the matter?" She said, "Do we have to take this check?" Some lady from Flint, Michigan, had come through Grant County. They've got a state police barracks there, and they must have twenty troopers coming and going through Dry Ridge, where the post is located . They get a lot of speeders on 1-75. That's the worst place to drive on 1-75 if you are going to speed, I guess. So this woman got caught. 44 Tales from Kentucky Lawyers She pled guilty, and I think she sent her check in by mail, but on the check where it says "for" on the bottom, she wrote "fuck you." This clerk was a very sweet old lady, and she was the one that was going to have to take the check across the street to the bank and deposit it. But she didn't want to be associated with that gross profanity. So she asked me if she had to take that check. I said, "No, we'll figure something out." So I wrote the lady in Michigan and told her that we found her words unacceptable, and that I wasn't going to order my clerk to go publish this check to any other person. I said, "Ifyou want to make that statement, I guess free speech is your business, but I'm not going to force someone else to publish it by showing it to the third party." So I went on to say, "We consider that you have not paid your ticket, and I'll give you two weeks to pay the ticket off." Finally, she sent in another check. Then about a month later, I got a newspaper clipping. A columnist in Flint, Michigan, wrote this article about me and my speed-trap county. It was a ravaging story, just ripping us real good calling this a free speech issue. I always thought that was funny, and whenever I've gone on a vacation in Michigan, I've tried to stay away from Flint for I might get arrested there! They didn't use the dirty word in the news article. They just used "profanity" when they referred to it. But the article was pretty graphic. But since the writing on the check was such a hostile thing, I didn't see the need to make the clerk publish it to a third party. Stan Billingsley, Carrollton, March 20, 2001 57. "THE SLANT-LEGGED WHORE" We were trying a case in which the essence ofit was that this woman was accusing her boyfriend or husband of abusing her. And she was quite a talker. She was on the witness stand, and her lawyer was just leading her right into it. He said, "Well, did your husband mistreat you?" "Oh, yes, sir. He mistreated me all the time." "Well, did he criticize you?" "Yes, he criticized me all the time." "Did he ever hit you?" ''Yes, he hit me. He was always hitting me and kicking me and strangling me and throwing me to the ground. He just abused me all the time." UGLY WORDS IN COURT 45 "Did he call you names?" "Oh, yes, Judge. He called me everything. You wouldn't believe the names that he called me." She then proceeded...