Cinema Muto

The Dark That Is Not Sleeping

15 The Dark That Is Not Sleeping In the dark that is the living room a girl might ask What is a movie? just to hear her sister say A world you walk into just to hear her father say A house inside our house only to hear her mother say Little girl you should be in bed— But in bed is not asleep Later a woman who is still awake and who happens to be me asks Why me, God? of her pillow her alarm clock, her short wave radio tuned to endless BBC. Only the announcer answers, promising the end of the world news So I go into my living room to watch a movie world I walk into house inside my house dream I rent or buy Start a silent film—no dialogue or loud explosions— just an upright someone added as a sound track knowing how rare insomniac pianists are as roommates or as lovers. I fall asleep and dream, writing intertitles in place of ones my shut eyes cannot read 16 As if rehearsing sleep is what sleep needs sleep begins to come and dreams different from the movies Then one night I fall asleep in bed just thinking of a movie. Then the next night too so I have to watch my movies sitting-up-wide-awake the way my father used to do But sometimes I confess I make a pot of coffee to stay awake to remind myself how one-reeler short short short this life is how much time we waste in sleeping If dreams are a waste and not— the world we walk into the house inside our house the place we wait, eyes wide shut as silent, God approaches ...