Mere Equals: The Paradox of Educated Women in the Early American Republic

4. “The Union of Reason and Love”: Courtship Ideals and Practices

90  Chapter 4 “The Union of Reason and Love” Courtship Ideals and Practices Writing to his fiancée,Linda Raymond,in 1818, Benjamin Ward shared his hopes for their relationship: “I anticipate in you, a companion, whose friendship is not founded on the combustible materials of enflamed passions; but in whom is ‘The union of reason and love;’ in whose society I shall ever receive a pleasure, and who would abhor to awaken in the bosom of your friend a sensation destructive of his peace and comfort.” Like many early national couples, Benjamin and Linda’s expectations for marital happiness centered on a companionate ideal that privileged an affectionate union between loving partners.1 As Benjamin’s comments suggest, the couple placed central importance not only on romantic attraction but also on shared intellectual foundations. The “union of reason and love”— and not any effort to distinguish these two elements—formed the basis for an egalitarian marriage rooted in both emotional and intellectual affinity. Simply put, courtship was a matter of both the heart and the head. Courting couples frequently relied on the egalitarian language of friendship to stress the importance of compatibility in love and marriage. Friendship and love existed along the same emotional continuum; both stressed mutuality,affinity,and shared interests.Yet there was an important distinction between friends and courting couples—friendship bonds could be permanent and lifelong, whereas courtship was necessarily a temporary and transitional stage. Courting couples inevitably sought an end to their courtship period “THE UNION OF REASON AND LOVE” 91 and a new beginning in marriage. For many courting couples, thoughts of the future produced optimistic visions of companionate marriage as well as deep introspections about the importance of choosing the right partner. “The more I consider how much depends on our choice of a bosom friend,” Benjamin noted, “the more I am convinced of the import and consequence attending it.”2 In their “choice of a bosom friend,” Benjamin Ward and Linda Raymond sought a partner with whom they could share intellectual as well as emotional bonds. As an educated woman, Linda may have found a union of reason and love particularly appealing. She came of age in an era and a family that valued educated women’s contributions. Linda attended at least two female academies,and her parents also financed the educational efforts of one of their neighbors, who later established a female academy.3 Linda saw how education could enable a young woman to reinvent herself. Did she hope to translate ideas about the empowering aspects of education into a marriage founded in the principles of mere equality? Yet was a truly egalitarian marriage possible in early national society? Scholars such as Elizabeth Dillon and Ruth Bloch maintain that, despite the companionate ideal, early national marriages “were still predicated on male dominance and gender difference.”4 Despite these tensions, Benjamin and Linda remained committed to the companionate ideal and found inspirational models—as well as important cautionary tales—in a variety of sources. In particular, the couple engaged in practices of mutual reader’s response in which they carefully crafted a “customized”version of mere equality inspired by the various models of friendship and love they encountered in print. Benjamin Ward and Linda Raymond’s private interpretations of print culture enable us to explore how men and women responded to and reshaped various prescriptive and literary models for behavior and conduct. In the midst of multiple, often competing representations of friendship, courtship, and love, Benjamin and Linda remained determined to craft a union of reason and love. In the process, they explored both the possibilities and boundaries of mere equality. “Mutual Exchanges with the One” In November 1817,Benjamin Ward wrote to Linda Raymond,hoping “to be considered worthy” of her “friendship” and “estimation.” Although “as yet unacquainted with your character,” Linda assured Benjamin that his request “met with a friendly reception.”Thus began a courtship that lasted for nearly six years—from November 1817 until their marriage in September 1823. 92 CHAPTER 4 During this time, Benjamin and Linda exchanged letters on a regular basis, writing to each other approximately once a month. Throughout most of their long engagement, Linda and Benjamin lived in different towns and saw each other only during his occasional visits to her home. Benjamin,who was twenty-four at the time their courtship began,lived and worked as a...