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70 My Little Conversation with God I’ve always felt that left to themselves people would finally grow up and do the right thing. But now after seventy years and more of hanging around, I’m beginning to have my doubts. I said to God, “They’re beginning to look awfully programmed to me. Women just have to have babies no matter what. Men just have to fight and be waited on.” “I know,” God said. “You’re not the only one to be disappointed. They do seem to be awfully stupid. I have to keep reminding myself that they used to be fish.” “They all do stuff that is so obviously not in their own best interests,” I said. “But somehow they just can’t stop themselves.” “It’s difficult to explain. I guess love is the best example. You fall in love with someone who’s all wrong. Someone of your own sex, for example, which is so hard for other people to understand. I don’t even quite get it myself, but ‘Kismet,’ I always say. It’s written in the stars,” God said. “You did create Jesus,” I said. “Have to admit I did. Catholics, Lutherans, Calvinists, Wesleyans, Presbyterians, Methodists. I could go on forever. The Arabs and Muslims don’t seem to have much luck evolving either. They just always have to have yet one more sect.” “True,” I say. “Jesus, Mohammed, and Buddha flashed on what’s going on, and then people take it and boil it down to babies and battles, no matter what the source of the religion is.” 71 My Little Conversation with God “Oh, come on,” God said. “We’re making headway. Only 20 percent of the people in the world are really poor today, compared to 40 percent in 1970.” “Where did you read that?” I said. “The New York Times. They’re always the ones researching this kind of thing.” “Well, finally that’s sort of necessary, but in my own experience people seem to be most concerned with their status here on earth. Not about even how happy they are.” “Happy schmappy,” God said. “It’s even a bigger deal than that. But to get back to love and sex. You fall in love, you have sex, you have orgasms, you are transported to a state that you know is more important than anything else you will experience. And you will never have that if you are not brave enough to love someone who is all wrong as far as other people are concerned. And frequently they are right, you know. Everything about it except the sex is a mess,” God said. “It’s true. Certainly when it comes to being fulfilled emotionally and sexually, a sense of humor is not a must,” I said. “It can even get in the way,” God said. “Sex isn’t funny.” I gave God an appraising look. “You’re not so dumb,” I said. “I have my moments,” God said. “I guess what I’m trying to say is that people have to get to a point where they will take some chances and not want to be safe all the time. It really looks like everyone would be better off if you just tell them what to do. You folks are on a test run. Let’s just hope you figure some things out before you burn the planet up.” ...

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