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58 t w o IDENTITY AND SCHOOL PERFORMANCE IN LOS ANGELES More powerful than the individual stories about how identity evolved for Chicana/o students in East Los Angeles is how these experiences affected them. Conflicts related to their disempowerment shaped not only how they saw themselves but also how they understood their schooling and their educational futures. At times I was overwhelmed by the students ’ stories. Diego’s story is just one of them: The dean [at the school] got me for wearing big pants, and he made, like, a comment. I go, “What are you going to send me home for?” He goes, “’Cause of your pants.” I guess he was new. And he told me to go to see my dean so he could give me a note so I could go home. And I go, “I’m not going to go home. Nah, ’cause these pants aren’t big.” And they weren’t big. And he goes, “You know what? You’re not in your house. You’re in my house now. And you’re going to do whatever I tell you.” And I go, “What? Where do you come up with that? Who’s talking about that?” He goes, “’Cause you’re not rolling with your homies now. You’re in my house, and you’re going to do whatever I tell you.” And I got mad. I really did get mad, and I was going to fight with him. And I told him, “You think you’re bad because you’re in here. But outside over there, in the streets, you won’t talk to me like that. And you know why. Because, like your people tell us, ‘You don’t belong here!’ You don’t belong here neither.” And he goes, “Oh, you think you’re a smart mouth, huh?” I go, “Well, you’re the one that started telling me stuff. I was gonna go talk to the dean, and you’re the one that started telling me stuff.” And he told me, “Right here you’re talking all back to me and all that, but I bet you when you’re outside over there with your homies, you’re nothing but chicken shit.” And that’s when I was already going to go after him, but then my 02-T3261 3/22/05 1:21 PM Page 58 i d e n t i t y a n d s c h o o l p e r f o r m a n c e i n l o s a n g e l e s 59 dean came. And he [asked], “What’s wrong, Diego?” and I go, “Well, you heard, everybody heard, the secretaries heard, the students over there, they heard.” He goes, “You know, Diego, here’s a pass. Go to your class.” I go, “See? All of that just for you to tell me to go to class. Why did he have to tell me all of that when my dean could have just came out and just tell me, ‘Here, go to your class’?” But none of that would have happened if he would have just came out or something, but that teacher, he shouldn ’t have said that neither. He shouldn’t have. Because I do think there’s a little bit of racism in school too. I do. I was in class a lot, when I was in tenth or eleventh grade and, like, I didn’t feel like working, and the teacher, he was a white teacher too, and he told everybody to open their books and read this and this, right? So I was reading and then I didn’t feel like reading no more so I put it aside and I started drawing. And I was drawing and he told me, “Diego, this is not your art class. Put it away.” And I go, “All right.” So then I put it away and I just stood like that and the book was just there. And then he went to the desk and he called me. And I go, “I was quiet.” He called me up and he goes, “Diego, come here.” And I went, and he goes, “Is there a problem, Diego?” I go, “No, there’s not, sir.” He goes, “Why aren’t you doing your work?” I go, “’Cause I don’t want to read, sir.” He goes, “What? You don’t know how to read...

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