Only, and: Fish Ghazal

Only

Through your skin they touched me& felt how I was becoming.

Some viviparous fisheat their siblings in the womb.

I did what was necessary.I wanted to live.

In the dark water, a cliff of light,the one exit—

Fish Ghazal

I know you love me even though I'm a girl.You beckon me to the kitchen—Come, girl

& hand me a knife. I pin down the fish,brush out its scales like the hair of some girl

who refuses tenderness. Strong, swift strokes.Slice off the fins before you wound a girl.

Your words echo in the blade: Just deepenough for the guts to stay whole, girl,

then scoop them out with your fingers. Discardeverything but the eggs, you dumb girl.

Water boils. The sac hardens & yellows.For fish, hot climate yields a small sum of girls.

You sweated for months, Mama, & kept mebecause you didn't know I'd become girl.

Were you surprised your own mother kept youfrom leaving, strapped her bones to your numb girl

body as if to a lifeboat. But younever swam to your own home, girl,

too busy cooking for other people,always sat down last for crumbs, girl

hands cupping a bowl of rice & leftovermarrow, an emptying. You come from girl.

You put your mouth around the hook & won'tlet go. A sea of wounds for one girl.

Let me go, Mama. Let me live beyondwhat you know it means to be your own girl.