Bath Towel Visuals

A big bath towel. It was at my parents' house. Putting it over my head calmed me down. Among the smells, my parents, my little brother and dog, became images and clung to me. My brother would laugh, so I would turn into a ghost with the towel and try to walk around; all it takes to replay those moments is a deep breath in through my nose—even though now that I'm grown up, I don't have that towel anymore. I put a similarly big business hotel bath towel over my head and went to make things awkward.

"What are you doing?" asked Natsumoto.

"I'm a ghost," I said, wondering what my voice sounded like muffled.

"Hya-hoo!" laughed Natsumoto. I think we're dating. I never checked, but that's probably the right word for it.

"What's so funny?!" I wasn't sure if my irritation was getting through, so I spoke in a rough tone. It was hard to know when to take the towel off. I was glad it was time to check out.

I felt more untethered once I wasn't a ghost anymore. I couldn't tell how loud the noises of the person next to me, of the cars going by, were, and as we walked, Natsumoto kicked the ground, his leg sweeping like a swing, and leaves fluttered down. They fell irregularly on the empty street, and it was the next day, when I was clapping, that I thought, They were like applause.

Dark silhouettes lined up behind the thin curtain. The swirling colors and drum roll ended, and the spotlight landed on the comedy duo that took first place. It was the pair that won last year's M1.

We were supposed to list three acts we liked, and I put their name down. They were popular, so it was a guaranteed laugh. There were other people from TV, too, and even just knowing that they had been on TV made me happy.

I didn't write the name of the duo my brother is part of with Yuuki. Even though it had been my brother who told me to buy a ticket, even though it was him I'd come to the theater to see.

It wasn't announced at the time, but later I found out that my brother and Yuuki came in ninth. Out of sixty duos, that didn't seem half-bad. "Pretty good!" I messaged him on LINE, but he didn't respond, so it must not have been good to him. The winners of that contest got the chance to perform their material on the next rank's stage.

After the comedy show, I had tea with Natsumoto. We see each other every day, I thought, but that seemed to be natural to him, so I didn't say it.

"How did Masa's show go?"

"Mmm," I said. I thought I would come up with a way to answer while I hesitated, but I wasn't sure how to explain the act they did. It seemed cruel to only mention part of it, and I felt like it would come off more critical of Yuuki and my brother than I had felt at the time; still, "Their bit was about, like 'compliance' and 'fuck political correctness,'" I said. "'I hit girls same as guys, so I'm a feminist,' is what the straight man was—"

"Hya-heh-heh!"

"Huh?"

"Ha-hya-heh-heh!"

So you think that's funny? I wanted you to yikes with me.

In the theater, too, that part went over best. Yuuki and my brother had to pause a couple of seconds, the laugh was so big. I figured we were at a comedy venue, and it was that atmosphere that made people laugh, but here was Natsumoto cracking up.

In the theater, and at this moment, too, I felt like I would turn into a ghost amid the laughter. It made me feel like I was the only one not laughing, like because I couldn't find it funny, I...