Here the Whole Time by Vitor Martins (review)

Felipe is fat and bullied, and he’s hopelessly crushing on his former friend and upstairs neighbor, Caio. He’s relieved that winter vacation means a break from these stressors, until his mom reveals that Caio will be staying with their family while his parents are on vacation. Originally published in Brazil, this coming-ofage romance is rife with authentically cringeworthy misunderstandings and tender friendship. While Felipe struggles with society’s disgust surrounding his size, Caio juggles his smothering mother and constant homophobia at school. The boys have more in common than Felipe thinks, bonding over Tolkien, cooking shows, and mutual awkwardness, and their slow-building love is inevitable from the first moment Felipe mentions his name. The novel truly shines in its portrayal of Felipe: he is bumbling, erratic, and occasionally selfish, and Martins doesn’t shy away from his inner frustrations about his body nor the world’s unfair perceptions of it. His observations about his lack of a place in the world can be heartbreakingly vivid, such as when he doesn’t fit comfortably in a theater seat or doesn’t feel like he can say he’s hungry without eliciting derision. The book avoids overtidy solutions of cures or self-love; rather, Felipe learns that he can be handsome and deserving of love while still less than thrilled about his size or lack of popularity. This is sweet, nuanced, and body positive without the frills or fibs.