How He Changed over Time

Illustration by KEITH NEGLEY

He used to play the violin, but then, as his fingers thickened and lost some of their agility, he became frustrated by trying to play, and then bored by it. He put the violin away in its case for good, had the case removed to a storeroom, and, instead, invited others in to play for him and his family in the evenings. In time, this playing by others, too, wearied him with its incessant sound and he no longer invited musicians into his home or willingly listened to any music, except, perhaps, at long intervals, from a distance, a patriotic march.

He used to provide what was needed in the way of food, equipment, and guides for parties of men to go off exploring. They would bring him not only reports of what they had seen but also handsome artifacts, such as feathered tribal headdresses and small handmade axes and other tools. These he would display in his roomy front hall, and visitors waiting for a private audience would pass the time studying the artifacts and learning about the indigenous tribes of the country. He had had exactly this in mind, to educate the public, when he directed that the artifacts be displayed thus on the walls and in cabinets. But then he tired of the artifacts and lost interest in what they signaled of other cultures, and no longer cared about educating the public. He had everything in the front hall taken off the walls and out of the house and sold to a museum. The bare walls, a relief to his eyes, were then to be painted gold. He no longer sent parties of men out to explore the wilderness, for he no longer had any interest in other landscapes or the wild-life or primitive peoples that inhabited them. Geography now confused him.

He used to import and drink fine wines from France. But then he gave up drinking alcohol and put a high tariff on wines from France. If he could not enjoy the wines, he would make them more costly for others to enjoy. More generally, although he had once admired France and studied French architecture, looking for ideas for his own house, he no longer respected that country or any European country. He felt that the French, even more than other Europeans, might possibly be smarter and wiser than he was, and that feeling caused him to turn against them.

He was over six feet tall, and stood well above most other men. He had once been lean, and he knew that others had then said of him that he had “no excess flesh.” But in time he grew heavier and his waist thickened, and he inclined forward as he walked, with his eyes directed down.

He used to ride his horse on the grounds of the estate and to other estates nearby, on visits to his neighbors, and he cut a handsome figure on horseback. But over the years, as he aged, and as he grew stout, it was harder for him to mount his horse, and his hands were not as strong or agile on the reins. Riding became uncomfortable, and he began to dislike his horse, as it also now disliked him. He began to avoid the company of all animals. They paid little attention to him, and he was now a man who craved attention. They required attention and care for themselves.

Once, years before, he had commissioned skilled copies of the best paintings by the old masters, to be hung on the walls of his parlor. Among them were portraits of his three heroes, men whose writings he had read and reread: Francis Bacon, Isaac Newton, and John Locke. But after a time he became bored by the subjects depicted in the paintings, or he told his wife, in any case, he was bored by them. Many of the paintings depicted brave men, wise men, learned men, or compassionate men; these were storied men...