A qualitative analysis of themes in long-distance couples' relationship boundary discussions

Many couples have explicit discussions regarding the emotional and sexual boundaries in their relationship, which can benefit their relational and sexual health. However, the implicit assumption in health research that couples discuss relationship boundaries to protect their sexual health is counter to evidence that many couples discuss boundaries to increase trust, closeness, and intimacy. We examined long-distance partners' reasons for discussing boundaries and used an approach and avoidance framework to understand motives. Individuals in long-distance relationships (N = 77 couples) described their relationship boundaries, what prompted their discussion about boundaries, and the goal of their discussion. We thematically analyzed their motives for the discussion as either approach or avoidance and identified sub-themes that emerged within the larger category of approach and avoidance motives. Most participants had discussed boundaries multiple times with their partner, and about one-third identified a specific event that triggered their discussion. A minority of individuals were motivated to discuss boundaries with their partner to avoid aversive outcomes (i.e., avoidance motives), but no participants reported motives to mitigate sexual health risks. Instead, most participants anticipated gaining individual and relational benefits from their discussion about boundaries (i.e., approach motives), which suggests that couples might be more motivated by what they have to gain by discussing boundaries and are not explicitly motivated to mitigate sexual health risks.